Ember to Ember (Sequel to Volunteers) Chapter 8

[annafugazzi]

Author's Note: OK, finally. We're now at December of Ember to Ember, the sequel to Volunteers (fic written for hds_beltane). Concrit is warmly appreciated. Thanks hugely to scrtkpr, for going above and beyond with this chapter, wielding the pointy beta-stick with style, and indulging my neediness ;)

Title: Ember to Ember
Chapter: 8 (of 12)
Pairing: H/D
Word count: 5000.

Chapter 1: May
Chapter 2: June
Chapter 3: July
Chapter 4: August
Chapter 5: September
Chapter 6: October
Chapter 7: November (previous)


ooo000ooo
Date: December 12
From: hjpotter@gringotts.wz
To: malfoyd@globalcafe.ie
Looks like it'll be only me at the concert this Sunday. Ron says break a leg.

Date: December 13
From: malfoyd@globalcafe.ie
To: hjpotter@gringotts.wz
Literally or figuratively?

Date: December 14
From: hjpotter@gringotts.wz
To: malfoyd@globalcafe.ie
Figuratively. He's trying.
ooo000ooo
Sunday, December 16

Harry groaned and threw his head back. "Stop, I'm too close," he gasped, and Draco gave him one last lick before moving up to kiss him feverishly. He pulled back, breathing hard, then smirked at Harry as he reached for the lube and applied it, careful not to stimulate Harry even further. He closed his eyes as Draco positioned himself and guided Harry inside him. Harry covered his mouth with his hand, biting down and concentrating on something, anything, that would take away the almost overwhelming need to come.

"All right?" Draco asked, chuckling.

"Yeah," Harry murmured. "Just...oh don'tdothat," he gasped as Draco's muscles tightened around him. "God, don't do that, unless you want me to embarrass myself."

Draco laughed. "No, fun as that would be, I'd like to get something out of this experi- oh," he gasped as Harry moved within him and apparently hit the magic spot.

"Mmm, you were saying?" Harry smirked as Draco groaned and arched his back, completely at a loss for words.

"What was that?" Harry moved his hips slowly.

Draco bit his lip, throwing his head back. "God, talk about embarrassing myself..." he moaned.

Harry thrust up into him, slowly, watching Draco's eyelids squeeze shut and his mouth open slightly, fingers tightening on Harry's shoulders, pulling Harry up into a sitting position, arms going around him.

"Please...god, please, just...harder..."

Fuck, that whisper was so incredibly hot, as Draco forgot himself and lost the cool distance and detachment he normally wore during the day and just became need, want, sensation.

Slow down, make this last...

Harry broke off their kiss to rest his head on Draco's shoulder a moment, breathing rapidly, then nudged him.

"Over?" Draco murmured, and Harry nodded. They lay back down and Draco moved onto his back, Harry settling and sinking into him. Harry drew in a shaky breath as Draco's heat surrounded him, and he realized that there was no need to go slow any more - no way to do so, either, because Draco was quickening his own movements, legs wrapping around Harry, head thrown back, neck curving, eyes closed, gasping his name. Clenching and releasing rhythmically, silently reaching completion and Merlin, he was incredible, and about as easy to resist as the tide, and sensation flooded over Harry and he cried out, emptying himself in a long, pulsing wave.

And then it was over and he was panting over Draco, braced on his arms, body humming with the buzz of a spectacular shag. He leaned down, catching Draco's lips with his. Ghosting kisses over his cheek, his neck, as he slowly withdrew. Draco's fingers reaching into his hair, hands around his shoulders, pulling him closer, their lips meeting in passing as they kissed each other gently.

It was in moments like this that it was so difficult to not give voice to the sappy sentiments within him, things he wasn't sure were even real or true. So much tenderness towards Draco, such a need to offer and ask for so much more than this. To say the hell with the rest of the world and just pull each other close. Forget who they were and who they were responsible for, forget that there was a whole world outside this room that didn't want them to be together, didn't want them to be happy.

No, not outside this room. Outside this flat. Ben and Alec would be quite happy to see them spend the rest of their lives together.

And it wasn't a world that didn't want them to be happy. It was a world that didn't want Draco to be happy. There was a difference, though in moments like this it was hard to see it.

They lay down again, Harry caressing Draco's cheek, resting his head against Draco's shoulder, sighing as they nestled together, struggling to control the urge to say stupid things. Things he'd only ever said to Ginny, things that probably weren't really appropriate between him and Draco.

"What is it?" Draco said, sounding amused.

"What's what?"

"There's a distinct sound of Gryffindor thinking going on," Draco said, chuckling. "It's very loud."

Harry laughed.

"Well?"

"Nothing," Harry said, smiling. "Just wondering."

"What?"

"Erm, why...why you seem to prefer bottoming now," he said, grabbing a random topic. Although come to think of it, he had wondered about that, a bit.

"Why?"

"Nothing, just that the first few months we were together, I just assumed you always preferred to top, but then you all of a sudden were all right with switching around. Just wondered why."

Draco shrugged. "I don't know. I always wondered why you wanted to bottom the first time we were together. It's not something a lot of men would think of doing right away."

"Wasn't right away," Harry pointed out. "We'd been running on nothing but hand jobs for too bloody long by that point, remember?"

"I try not to," Draco said dryly. "Had you wanted to, before?"

"You mean, before, when I was married?" Harry frowned slightly. "I don't think so. Though I was pretty young - I mean, I was a widower by age twenty-one. I was still at the stage where having sex at all was a fantastic thing, so I think my fantasies tended towards doing more of the same."

"What about after?"

"Erm." Harry suddenly realized this topic was a little more intimate than he'd really meant it to be. "After...yeah, I suppose so, after a while, but, you know, circumstances and all...the couple times I was with Muggle blokes it wouldn't have really been..." he trailed off, not sure how to answer Draco's question. Or if he even had an answer. Because he'd certainly thought a lot about what he wanted to do with Draco, but...it was so hard to express, the feelings he'd had, the need to give himself to Draco, fully, to leap before he looked. It didn't really go into words. Not words that wouldn't sound stupid, anyway. He cleared his throat. "What about when you did?"

"Did what?"

"The first time you let someone else..." he said, and inexplicably found himself blushing. Silly question, but Draco had once admitted to being terrified of Muggles before ending up living with them. Somehow Harry couldn't quite imagine him getting close enough to one to let himself be topped.

"The first time I bottomed?" Draco asked, his voice curiously flat.

Harry shrugged. "You don't have to tell me, I just wondered. It takes some trust, that's all."

"You were there."

"Where?"

"The first time I did."

Harry pulled back slightly. "What?" He blinked at Draco. "I was...I was your first?"

"Yeah."

"The day you came back from Azkaban?"

"Yeah."

Harry lay back, stunned. "Why the hell didn't you tell me? Did I hurt you?"

"Not much chance of that," Draco said dryly. "You were treating me like I was made of glass."

"But...why didn't you..."

"I didn't want you to pity me. I didn't want...I wanted to not feel Azkaban. I don't know what else, I don't remember." Draco had gone stiff in his arms. "And I'd rather not keep talking about it, thanks," he said, sitting up. "We should be getting up anyway."

Harry suppressed a sigh. Nothing new. Draco and Azkaban, nightmares and mood swings and unexpected issues that often made him draw back, pulled his lips into a thin, tense line. And throughout it all, not a bloody word. "It wasn't a picnic." "Not as much fun as the brochures would have you believe." Never really letting Harry in. The last week had been particularly enjoyable, as the date for the end of Draco's ban on magic approached.

Harry sat up, rubbing a hand over his hair, thinking about cutting it. It felt amazing when Draco ran his hands through it, but it was a pain now, halfway down his back. He glanced over at Draco. "Will you be keeping the beard, after you've got your wand back?"

Draco grimaced. "Not bloody likely. The moment I can do the glamour, it's off."

"I don't mind it."

"I do." Draco's voice still had that 'I don't want to go into this' tone, and Harry didn't know whether he didn't like the look of the beard, or the feel, or the fact that it was a reminder that he couldn't do magic.

He sighed again, glancing at the clock, and frowned. Seven o'clock. "Wish your wand would get here. The ban was supposed to be over at midnight, wasn't it?"

"It's supposed to be over when they say it's over," Draco snapped.

Harry blew out his breath. "You know, I'm trying to help. I don't know what I've done wrong this time, but I'm bloody well trying to help, and you're not making it easy."

"What should I do to make it easy, then?" Draco said irately.

"Talking to me once in a while would be nice."

"About what?"

"I don't know what any of this means to you, Draco!" He rubbed his forehead in frustration. "I know Azkaban was bad, I figure it hurt to have your past come back at you like it did, but for god's sake, you never say anything-"

"I'm not a woman, I don't-"

"God, Draco, I'm not a woman either! I'm not asking you to give me a detailed account of everything you feel. Just a hint so I can not make things worse."

"I'm not much for talking about any of this," Draco said tightly. "Managed to avoid talking about it to my son long enough."

"Well, you got through that somehow."

"I wouldn't have had to, if-" he broke off, looking away. There was a long silence.

If you weren't with me, Harry finished for him.

"How do you think it feels? Paying for things I did when I was sixteen?" Draco said quietly. "I was doing what I had been taught to do, believing what I had been raised to believe. And I was sixteen," he whispered. "Fucking sixteen years old. What the hell did I know?"

Harry's stomach clenched. He'd been sixteen too. And made very different choices.

As if reading his mind, Draco added bitterly, "I know. It's not an excuse."

"You were trying to protect the people you loved. For some of what you did, anyway."

"And I didn't care who I endangered while doing it."

Harry swallowed hard, seeing vivid flashes of Katie Bell floating up in the air, Ron drinking poisoned mead, Bill Weasley's ravaged face.

"And now here we are, and it's ten years later," Draco said hollowly. "And I'm still putting people in danger. Including my own son."

"There's people who would say the same thing about me, about what I'm doing to Alec by letting you into our lives. I don't have to believe them."

Draco looked away. "What about when this comes out? It'll come out, eventually. And when it does, what'll-"

"I'll be with you," Harry interrupted.

Draco laughed cynically. "Oh really."

"You and Ben are...you told me, back in May, that you didn't want me to do this on a whim, and I told you it wasn't a whim."

"Not a whim to me either," Draco said quietly.

"So trust me. Please." Draco's expression was unreadable. "I know; you trusted me that it would be OK to go to Brigid's Cross, and it wasn't, and I can't tell you to trust me about publicity. But just...trust me that I'll still be there after everything dies down and the papers have a new scandal to talk about."

"You'd tell the whole wizarding world to go to hell for my sake?" Draco chuckled cynically. "A little hard to believe that when you can't even say it to your in-laws."

Harry drew in his breath, immediately defensive. "That's different."

"Of course."

"You don't understand. The Weasleys...you don't understand."

And he didn't. And Harry couldn't really explain it, explain the images that went through his head when he thought about them.

Arthur walking with Alec for hours so that Harry could rest. Fleur singing to him softly in French. Ron and Hermione and Percy by his side as the experienced parents taught them all how to change nappies, how to burp a baby. Percy working out a schedule for Alec's care, keeping the press away from them like a lion defending its cubs. All of it so quiet, so unusual in any gathering of Weasleys.

All of them there for him when Harry needed to break down, looking at him with worry in their own reddened eyes. He'd never confided in any of them - hadn't known how to - but Bill's silent offer of a handkerchief, Fred's gruff "All right there, mate?" as Harry struggled to deal with waves of grief, had meant more than he could express.

In the heartbreak and despair of that time, the Weasleys had closed ranks around him. And not just for the first months; for the entirety of Alec's life, they'd been there, loving Alec even when they couldn't understand him at all. How could he express to Draco how much it had meant to him?

Molly wiping away her tears while making whooshing broomstick noises with a spoonful of baby food as she brought it to Alec's mouth.

George simply picking Alec up and feeding him to give Harry a chance to compose himself, the day he'd found Harry dully holding Alec, tears running down his face, unable to respond to his cries.

He pushed the images out of his mind.

"Look. You...you said I wouldn't choose you over them and that's what I said, too, back in July. When Fred outed us to them. But now..."

"Yes?" Draco raised a cool eyebrow at him.

"I would."

Draco gave a small huff of disbelieving laughter. "Really. You'd defy them? Your adoptive family?"

"Nobody who really matters would ask me to, and Alec would still be welcome there. It might get uncomfortable with a few people, but it – it's not the same as it was back in May or even in July."

"How heartwarming."

"Look, they're important to me, all right? You're dismissing them like I'm just putting my former in-laws ahead of you, but they...they were there for me when I needed them the most. When Alec was a baby...you don't understand."

"I don't understand what it's like to be alone with a child?"

"Not like that. Ginny died, d'you understand that? I thought we'd grow old together, have lots of kids, and then suddenly she was just gone. It hurt like nothing else. And they...they were wrecked, she was their baby, the only girl - Molly cried every day for months - but they put that aside to help me, and they never blamed me.

"Ginny's parents took me in for weeks. Ron and Hermione practically moved into my flat after that. Fleur and Anne nursed Alec. And Fred and George...you don't know how hard it was for them. Ginny was their favourite. I've never seen George so devastated, and Fred - the only time I'd seen him worse was when George was at St. Mungo's. But they took Alec out all the time, and played with him, and made sure he grew up hearing laughter even when they didn't feel so bloody humorous themselves. D'you think I could've walked out on all of that when we'd been together for two months? Especially when you didn't even want anybody to know we were together at all?"

Draco's expression was still hard and closed. "So you're saying that now you would choose me over these saints you call family?"

"I – it's just-" Harry blew out his breath in frustration. Five minutes ago they'd been as close as he'd ever felt to anybody. Like touching one another's souls, almost. Now...

When they held each other, and moved together, when it was just about sex it was fucking fantastic. And when it was just them and the kids together, that was wonderful too, in all the ways he wanted it to be.

But then the rest of the world came in.

"Would you rather I did? Reject all of them? Would that be enough for you? I couldn't live with doing that to my son."

"And I don't think I can live with doing what I'm doing to my own son."

Harry stared at him.

"Did you see how that woman looked at him at Brigid's Cross? Every day I'm with you makes it more likely that I'll be exposed and then so will he, and-"

"Fred said he wouldn't-"

"He's not the only - maybe I don't want to put my son in danger, have you thought of that?"

"Maybe you're looking for excuses to end this!" Harry snapped. "Look, whether you're with me or not, if you let Ben near the wizarding world, some day he will be in danger. You have to decide if Ben is a Muggle or a wizard - if you are a Muggle or a wizard. And if you decide you're both wizards, you have to live with that and know that he'll have to live with it too. This is your world too." He paused, steadied himself. "Besides, I'm a curse-breaker, and a damned good one. So's Bill. You know he's already worked on stuff for Ben-"

"So you two can single-handedly protect him?"

"And the Aurors have to protect you, and you've got the stag-charm, there's anti-revenge-curse wards on you both, and even for non-magical revenge-"

"None of those stop words, do they? Anything short of physical damage and-"

"What d'you expect? Do you want to keep Ben hidden until he's at Hogwarts? D'you think it'll be any easier for him to deal with this during his first year of school? He's going to have to face it sooner or later. Having me in the picture makes it more complicated, but-"

Draco scowled darkly. "Buggers it up completely, is more like it."

"You're over-reacting, Draco! Yeah, it'll probably be hard on him if anything comes out, but you're over-reacting-"

"Really? To what? To the idea of my name and face being splashed all over the paper? Being treated like I'm lower than dirt?"

"Look-"

"Having somebody threaten Ben again, me going to Azkaban again? Sitting there for days wondering if I'm ever going to get out again, like last time?"

"Wait, what?!" Harry's eyebrows rose. "They decided your sentence about an hour after you were taken away!"

"Well nobody bothered to tell me," Draco said bitterly. "I didn't know if I'd ever see Ben again until they transferred me to Azkaban three days later."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"What did you want to know? That it was humiliating, being in there? Being left alone for hours, without even a shred of clothing, while they decided where they were going to put me? That I felt powerless, and scared for Ben? That there was nothing to do except try to keep from going crazy and tell myself that I'd get out some day?"

"I didn't know-"

"Shut up! You want me to share? You want to know what I'm 'over-reacting' to?" He glared at Harry. "I don't know, Harry, it's hard to tell. Maybe it's feeling like a fucking Squib, again. Or maybe it's describing in great detail every single sexual encounter we had, because the Auror doing the questioning decided to humiliate me and I couldn't fucking well stop. Maybe it's seeing my son lose the first memory he ever had of being in a wizarding place, because a five-year-old shouldn't be expected to have to deal with seeing his father dragged off like that. Maybe it's knowing that it can happen again at any time. Maybe it's seeing that bitch look at Ben like he was dirt." Draco stopped, biting his lip and looking away. "Maybe it's sitting in that fucking cell for six weeks thinking I deserve it, because I made the wrong fucking choices, and listened to my parents when I shouldn't have and followed that bastard when I shouldn't have, and I put Ben in danger because I wanted to go back to the wizarding world and I deserve it! Maybe it's thinking that I will have to deal with my fucking past forever - and then remembering that a lot of people'll never get past what my kind did. Bill Weasley will never have his face back, George Weasley will never have his speech or sight back the way they were – hell, Alec'll never have a mother and you'll never have your wife back, and all of you have to live with that shit, when none of you even did anything wrong, so why am I whining about being spat on?" Draco paused, breathing hard. "Do you want to hear more?"

"Draco-" Harry said faintly, his mind reeling. "I – you know I'd try to help, whatever happened; I already did, when-"

"You think I'd want that again? You think it's easy to have to be grateful to you - you paid my rent, took care of my son-"

"I don't expect you to be grateful - you'd do the same for me."

"But I don't have to, do I?"

"That doesn't-"

"Daddy?"

Harry and Draco froze.

"Daddy-"

"It's – it's all right, Alec," Harry called out, his heart sinking, as he Summoned a shirt. Draco made a dismissive motion at Harry and went to the door.

"It's all right, Alec," he said, his voice steady as he pulled on a pair of shorts. "D'you want me to tuck you back in?"

"It's...it's morning," Alec said timidly.

Draco opened the door. "Then I'll help you get dressed, all right?"

"Were you fighting?" Alec asked, looking at Harry.

"We're not any more, don't worry," Draco said gently. "Come on little man, let's get you dressed."

Harry lay back, his mind miserably running the same tired track it seemed to go on too often these days. The arguments were more frequent, the lashing out more pronounced. And the things Draco had just said...Harry wondered how long he'd been holding all of that in, wondered how many other unpleasant revelations he might have. He glanced at Ginny's portrait and couldn't help feeling she was looking at him reproachfully.

He looked up as Draco came back into the room, very determinedly not looking at Harry, pulling on his trousers and shirt.

He got up, approached Draco, put a hand on his shoulder. Draco stilled, not looking back at him.

"Are we done here?"

"Alec's up," Draco said tightly. "We can't talk now."

"I know. But are we..." Harry suddenly realized his question could be taken two ways. And he realized he really didn't know which way he meant it.

Draco's expression was closed.

"Please. Just give me more time."

Draco's eyes met his. "More time for what?"

Harry shook his head helplessly. "Just... more time. Just give me more time. Please." He hated that he sounded so needy and weak, that he had no idea how to fix this, and not much to hope for but more borrowed time.

oooOOOooo
Harry was starting to really regret this choir business.

The concert was excellent. Several Dublin choirs, singing Christmas and "other seasonal" songs from many different musical traditions, which Harry could now recognize, thanks to being immersed in music talk most nights and every weekend. Draco and Kara's choir had sung Balulalow and a spiritual Draco detested, with a solo by Kara. The children's choir had sung a Hebrew song, and now the massed choirs were about to sing Handel's Hallelujah Chorus with the audience. And Harry was wishing he'd never brought Alec into any of this.

Right, Alec. Alec was going to be watching him, seeing if he joined in the singing.

He smiled as Alec beamed at him from the middle of the alto section and nudged Kara beside him, and he could see Alec saying "My dad's singing too!" as Kara grinned. It was a gorgeous song, and Harry suddenly wondered if Handel had been a wizard too.

Probably not; Draco would've mentioned it.

Then they were at the sectional part Alec loved so much, which the four of them could sing at home, because Harry had learned the bass part so that he could sing it along with the other basses in the audience and onstage tonight.

And He shall reign for ever and ever

Now the tenors were joining, Draco's part and Harry's interweaving. Then Kara and Alec and the altos, and finally Ben with the sopranos, a song older than any of them, Ben's face shining as his voice soared above them all.

So wonderful and awful, seeing them all up there. His family. The four of them – five, including Kara – worked, when they weren't being torn apart by Weasleys and others.

But things weren't going well. This morning's argument was only part of it.

He'd felt so close to all the Weasleys, for so long. Percy wasn't exactly a best mate, but he and Fred had been friends for sixteen years, and it wasn't until now that he realized just how much he'd valued that friendship, now that it was effectively gone. They were polite enough around Alec, but what Fred had done and said still burned, and Harry couldn't just forgive and forget it.

The Weasleys were never going to accept Draco.

The Aurors were never going to let Draco be.

He and Ginny had vowed to give Alec a happy home when they were expecting him. Unplanned and initially unwelcome, they'd promised themselves he would nonetheless always feel loved. And then Harry had vowed it again, after Ginny was gone.

He sighed as he gazed at Alec, singing so happily onstage. Thought of Ginny's accusing look this morning. How would she look at him if Alec lost this?

The Weasleys were family. He loved them all, even the one who'd betrayed him. But if they couldn't accept Draco, they couldn't accept Harry, and that was that. If he had to make a choice...

The problem was that Draco could also make choices, and they might not be the same as Harry's.

Hallelujah

He joined the enthusiastic applause as the last glorious chord ended, then hurried to the backstage area, waiting patiently until the four of them emerged, talking and laughing.

"It's enough to make any pagan doubt the Goddess," Kara was saying enthusiastically.

"What?" asked Harry.

Draco laughed, gave Harry a quick kiss. "Kara always gets a crisis of faith around Christmas."

"Why's that?"

"Aye, lad, ye canna tell me you don't feel it!" she said, laughing. "The worship of Jesus and the Lord above and the Virgin Birth and it's all glorious. Almost makes me want to call up me Da and tell him he was right all along." Draco laughed. "I said almost," she smirked. "Oh, the little ones wanted to meet the harpist before she goes, come on, boys," she said, and they rushed off.

"What is it?" Draco asked, as Harry cocked his head to the side, gazing at him. Draco was smiling, energized, almost glowing, his newly clean-shaven face just begging to be stroked. Harry's heart skipped a beat. He had a sudden memory of what Ginny had called "After-Game High," both of them glowing and zipping with energy after a match.

He glanced around. "Here," he said, and pulled Draco into an alcove, kissing him. Draco startled a bit, but returned the kiss with heat.

"What, in here?" he asked breathlessly. "What if someone comes in?"

"What if they do?" Harry answered, waving his wand to spell the curtains closed, pulling Draco closer.

"This is...not very...professional..." Draco trailed off, then seemed to decide to throw caution to the wind and started to unbutton Harry's shirt.

Damn, yes, that energy, recklessness, the high pushing the body for more. Fumbles in the dark of the Quidditch changeroom flitted through Harry's head. He yanked on Draco's shirt, pulled him close, melded their lips together.

It didn't matter what was going on - the future, the past, none of it mattered, not when they were together like this, and Draco might be doubting their future, but he didn't seem to have any doubts about their present, pulling him close, one thigh between both of Harry's, grinding them together. He was hard – might've been hard onstage, too, in the rush of singing that glorious song at the end, the body's simple reaction to excitement.

Draco's mouth moved quickly, Draco nuzzling into Harry's neck, giving his earlobe a gentle tug, and Harry gasped as Draco's hand curved around his arse.

"Nguh."

"Eloquent and to the point," Draco chuckled, his voice low, and Harry undid the top buttons of Draco's white shirt, feeling the heat radiating off him, heart beating rapidly and breath coming faster. Draco murmured something and Harry sucked in his breath as his shirt suddenly hung free, open, his fly undone.

Draco smirked at him. "Forgot I got my magic back, did you?" He chuckled. "I've missed that spell."

Harry's sarcastic reply was lost as Draco's fingers closed around him, and he gasped, caressing Draco's smooth cheek with his own. "No, didn't forget," he whispered, then gave up talking as they thrust against each other. Hands stroking roughly, lips working together, both panting and pushing towards a single goal – and then they were there, and Draco was groaning, his body going still as he pulsed over Harry's hand and Harry bit back a swear word as his own climax rushed through him, with the other concert-goers one flimsy curtain away.

They breathed deeply, holding each other close, and Harry kissed the side of Draco's neck, felt Draco sigh.

Are we done here?

Just give me more time. Please.
ooo000ooo
Author's Note 1: The songs mentioned in this chapter are Balulalow, Praise His Holy Name, Al Shlosha D'Varim, and Handel's Hallelujah. Lyrics and downloads can be found at the lyrics page. I must confess I felt a little blue as I wrote the chapter; my own choir was supposed to have done a concert December 16, where we were going to sing Balulalow, Praise His Holy Name, and Handel's Hallelujah. The concert was cancelled when about a million-jillion inches of snow fell on us that day. ::sniff::

Author's Note 2: aikirangel painted some beautiful watercolours based on chapter 4, Draco's imprisonment. Go see!

Author's Note 3: Oh! Just realized she also made some for chapter 5! Cool!

May
June
July
August
September
October
November (previous)
January (next)
February
March
April

DVD Extras:
Requests and list of completed extras
August 5, 2007 (after Chapter 4, August, Veritaserum)
November 23, 2007 (after Chapter 7, November, Fred v. Anne)
February 8, 2008 (after Chapter 10, February, Aftermath)
February 10, 2008 (after Chapter 10, February, Indecision)
September 1, 2013 (after the last chapter, the Sorting Hat)

Comments

[owens-mom.livejournal.com]

Damn, Anna. That was so tense and tough to read. What a real honest struggle they have. And repeating the words at the end was beautiful.

Loved this - "about as easy to resist as the tide." Beautiful work.

[annafugazzi.livejournal.com]

And repeating the words at the end was beautiful.

Loved this - "about as easy to resist as the tide." Beautiful work.
Thanks! ::bounces::

[ivichsartre.livejournal.com]

That was awesome.
You're awesome.
I'm very hot and bothered now. Damn, woman.

[annafugazzi.livejournal.com]

I'm very hot and bothered now. Damn, woman.
LOL! Um... sorry?

[vaysh]

It's wonderful to hear more of this story! I found myself wondering at the strangest moments how Harry and Draco from "Ember to Ember" were doing :-).

The sex is gorgeous in this installment, as always (but you know that, don't you ;-)). The tenderness and need is just so palpable, so there. And I really really admire the complex psychological portrayal you give us of Draco and Harry. For Draco to have to wait for days to learn whether he would ever leave Azkaban again, for Harry to have to chose between the Weasleys' love or Draco's which the Weasleys cannot accept - this is perhaps not spectacular, dark!fic suffering, but it's real and painful and very true to human nature.

You allow us a stunning glimpse into Draco's psyche when he tells Harry that their first love-making after Azkaban was the first time he bottomed, with him. This sentence, "You were treating me like I was made of glass.", and that Draco would have wished it was different, broke my heart.

[annafugazzi.livejournal.com]

The sex is gorgeous in this installment, as always (but you know that, don't you ;-)).
Um, no, actually, I don't - I'm always pretty nervous about my sex scenes ::blush::

And I really really admire the complex psychological portrayal you give us of Draco and Harry.
Thanks!

This sentence, "You were treating me like I was made of glass.", and that Draco would have wished it was different, broke my heart.
::pets you::

[tulimeeria.livejournal.com]

*content noise* Wonderful and touching. How do I tell you how much it moves me what Harry and Draco are going through? Their issues ring very true - they both have to make such impossible choices. Harry's finding he can't choose Draco over the Weasleys, but he also can't not hold on to love and happiness now he's found it again. I'm interested to see how you're going to solve this dilemma. :) Please please, pretty please, do solve it.

Draco, on the other hand ... his frustration seemed so heartfelt, too. What he has to endure on a daily basis is so trivial compared to some other people's sufferings. It's a daily hell to him, but I see why he feels he can't talk to Harry about it.

The sex was also quite ... fantastic. My body is actually 'humming with the buzz of a spectacular shag'. ;) Thank you for this chapter. I do sense a happy ending coming this way somehow! True love will always find a way. *is idealistic*

[annafugazzi.livejournal.com]

*content noise* Wonderful and touching. How do I tell you how much it moves me what Harry and Draco are going
::beams:: Thank you!

Please please, pretty please, do solve it.
Well, there's four chapters left to do that ;)

The sex was also quite ... fantastic. My body is actually 'humming with the buzz of a spectacular shag'. ;)
::blushes:: Yay! I'm always a bit shy about my sex scenes, so it's very nice to hear when they work :) :)

[ura-hd.livejournal.com]

very nice chapter

[annafugazzi.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

[coffeejunkii.livejournal.com]

oh, poor boys :((. they need to sort themselves out, and fast...

[annafugazzi.livejournal.com]

oh, poor boys :((. they need to sort themselves out, and fast...
Well... they do have four more chapters to do so...

[frayach-nicuill.livejournal.com]

Yay!! I've missed this story so much. Wonderful chapter, although it made my heart squeeze rather painfully at several points. Actually, that's just all part of its wonderfulness *G*

[annafugazzi.livejournal.com]

Wonderful chapter, although it made my heart squeeze rather painfully at several points. Actually, that's just all part of its wonderfulness *G*
Thanks! I was rather nervous about this chapter... thank god for scrtkpr is all I have to say ;)

[evertruth.livejournal.com]

Ooh, this was a lovely, intense chapter. I'm looking forward to seeing how they work everything out.

We sang Balulalow and the Messiah at our holiday concert. =P They're both so gorgeous!

Edit: actually, now that I've listened to the recording of Balulalow you so kindly provided, they're actually completely different versions. The one we did started with a soprano solo and it had a slightly different melody and lyrics. I love both versions! =)

[annafugazzi.livejournal.com]

Ooh, this was a lovely, intense chapter. I'm looking forward to seeing how they work everything out.
... and they've only got four more chapters to do it ;)

Edit: actually, now that I've listened to the recording of Balulalow you so kindly provided, they're actually completely different versions.
Yeah I think it's like Pie Jesu, there's about a million versions. It's too bad that with choral music you often have no idea if the "composer" took an existing tune and just rearranged it a bit, or made it up from scratch. Unless you sing a choral version of something like "Money Can't Buy My Love," which I have actually done. ::shudder:: And sincerely hope to never have to do again.

[flobber-12.livejournal.com]

Wow, I loved this chapter! It's made me feel all content, and sad at the same time! By the way, i've been reading this since ember and ember started. Of course i've read volunteers too! One of the best fics i have ever read i might add! Well, eagerly anticipating the January chapter! I rather hope it all turns out alright... =(

[annafugazzi.livejournal.com]

Wow, I loved this chapter!
Yay!

By the way, i've been reading this since ember and ember started. Of course i've read volunteers too! One of the best fics i have ever read i might add!
::squeee!!::

I'm so glad people like this fic. It's kinda grown on me too :) :)

[aquila-star.livejournal.com]

it's just never going to be easy for them, is it? *sighs* I guess it wouldn't be real if it was.

Still, those little moments between them are so bittersweet and memorable.

You just keep pulling me into their world, and I always think I'm as invested as I can get. *loves you*

[annafugazzi.livejournal.com]

it's just never going to be easy for them, is it?
Um... nope. Sorry!

You just keep pulling me into their world, and I always think I'm as invested as I can get. *loves you*
::totally beams::

[snottygrrl.livejournal.com]

you are totally going to break me with this fic aren't you?

this is a wonderful, hard, brilliant chapter. draco is so injured and everything is such a mess. you show their closeness so wonderfully, the pain and the indecision.

i'm babbling here because i can't express what an amazing job you've done here ♥

[annafugazzi.livejournal.com]

you are totally going to break me with this fic aren't you?
::looks innocent::

this is a wonderful, hard, brilliant chapter.
::beams and bounces a bit::

Thanks!

[tree00faery.livejournal.com]

Agh. This chapter was so beautiful, and sad, and agh! I don't want Draco and Harry to be fighting. *sniff*
(even though I know, plots are generally a good thing. ^_^)

I loved this image of the five of them all singing Handel's Hallelujah, also. Lovely chapter, though as usual, I can't wait for more!

[annafugazzi.livejournal.com]

Agh. This chapter was so beautiful, and sad, and agh! I don't want Draco and Harry to be fighting. *sniff*
::pets you::

I loved this image of the five of them all singing Handel's Hallelujah, also.
Yay! Me too :) :)

I would so love for my own family to be able to do this. Sadly, instead of soprano, alto, tenor and bass, we have soprano, tone deaf, tone deafer, and foghorn. ::sigh::

[nonajf.livejournal.com]

Dang! Talk about the highs and the lows!

The sex was wonderful! The angst was wonderfully done! And very worrying.

How are the guys going to work things out? Any relationship is a crap shoot, a belief in hope and love overcoming fear and obstacles. These two, especially Draco, have a lot to fear. Will he give in to that and live a reduced life or will he dare it all? A harder decision when there is already a child to consider.

Another great job! It was nice to see this update.

[annafugazzi.livejournal.com]

Dang! Talk about the highs and the lows!
Yeah it's a bit bipolar...

These two, especially Draco, have a lot to fear. Will he give in to that and live a reduced life or will he dare it all? A harder decision when there is already a child to consider.
...and he's only got four more chapters to figure it out ;)

Thanks for your comment!

[ciel-vert.livejournal.com]

Excellent chapter! :)

[annafugazzi.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

[differente.livejournal.com]

it's a really nice chapter... i sincerely hope they won't suffer too much.

[annafugazzi.livejournal.com]

Thanks! And as to suffering... well, there are still four chapters left to go ;)

[annafugazzi.livejournal.com]

Thanks! Glad you liked it :) :)

[a-clear-day.livejournal.com]

Great chapter!

[annafugazzi.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

Hi there!

[(Anonymous)]

I've discovered Volunteers and Embers to Embers in december; therefore I was spoiled to many wonderful chapters without having to wait! I'm overjoyed to see this new chapter.
I can't express to you how much I enjoy this original, mature turn on the H/D relationship.
I love that you took the time to establish their appreciation and then their love for one another. It's wonderful to have Draco finding back his balance as a choir master. What's more you really know what you are talking about regarding choirs! It's fascinating! I enjoyed the Pagan setting with the Muggles and all the characters you created.

I love Harry and Draco being in-character in a realistic, difficult context. As someone stated before, it hurts more seeing them suffer through this very believable intolerance, incertitude they face to the hands of (sometimes understandably) unforgiving people, than to assist to outlandish tortures some writers invent for them. This chapter was especially sad despite the sexual goodness and compatibility.

I admire finally how you didn't demonize anybody. We get to understand where they are coming from. We see how they are real people caring for their family. Besides, Ron, George and even Bill are great and helpful. Still...with the Weasley Clan (as they represent this new society on the winning side), you've created something that it is difficult to to react to. Maybe because it hits too close to home?
I understand what they've been trough and what (who) they lost because of their enemies, and how it is normal for them to distrust and dislike Malfoy, and how they are important to Harry's life, what they mean to him on an emotionnal level. But, damn, it hurts seing the repercussions of this vengeful spirit (from them, and other people who were not even involved in the war) on Harry, Draco, Alec and Ben.

Writer Hervé Bazin is famous for his cry from the heart : "Famille, je vous hais!" (Family, I hate you!)
Families are composed of the people who love us and that we love the most, unconditionnaly. For that same reason they can make our life a living hell and cause our demise. We won't go against things we don't approve of, for fear of hurting them, alienating them. That's what happened to Draco and he is still paying the price. That's what is happening to Harry.
Of course, Harry can't dismiss the Weasleys like that. They've been an anchor for him since his childhood, as he was being abused by the Dursleys.
I might be delusional here, but I don't view myself as an emotional reader. And here, you managed to have me being angry at the fictional character of Fred (and in some measure of Molly) for their double-standard, their mean-spirited revanchist behavior, their smug, petit-bourgeois attitude about being on the good side (gee, it reminded me of Uncle Vernon, or even Lucius), for how they make Harry's (and other people) life difficult. For heaven sakes, Draco was an obnoxious, spoiled child, but can he be held responsible for what his father did? Can they enjoy his life being unfairly mucked up, when he'd been an upstanding muggle citizen for years?
And yet, for all this, you still manage to make them human. They love their family, won't pick on little Ben, and I understand Fred's plight at having been helpless to prevent his twin and his sister from suffering during the war. Of course, he would be more unforgiving than George who was the direct victim.
It really hurts but it is captivating to witness all this unfold.

So, what I am saying is: thank you for this great character study and I hope this adorable new family of four can make it. Can Draco get over what he's been through, what could still happen? Should Harry move to Muggle world, where Draco is appreciated, where Alec would be happy (but probably not Ben in the long run :-()? Can the self serious, righteous wizards who makes Draco's life miserable realise that they are being as prejudiced and destructive as the pure-blood racists in power before them?
Can't wait to find out and to hear more of the music you link for us!

Nimue

Re: Hi there!

[annafugazzi.livejournal.com]

It's wonderful to have Draco finding back his balance as a choir master. What's more you really know what you are talking about regarding choirs! It's fascinating! I enjoyed the Pagan setting with the Muggles and all the characters you created.
Hee! Thanks :) :)

I admire finally how you didn't demonize anybody.
Well, I'm trying not to... not sure that's working out, though. I think I've got a lot of people really hating Fred right about now :(

Writer Hervé Bazin is famous for his cry from the heart : "Famille, je vous hais!" (Family, I hate you!)
Heh, yeah :)

Families are composed of the people who love us and that we love the most, unconditionnaly. For that same reason they can make our life a living hell and cause our demise.
Yeah, it's just never simple when you disagree with family. You can dismiss strangers, co-workers and even friends, if it gets too difficult, in a way that you really can't dismiss family. And even if you break off relations with them, the problem is still there, just in a different way.

For heaven sakes, Draco was an obnoxious, spoiled child, but can he be held responsible for what his father did? Can they enjoy his life being unfairly mucked up, when he'd been an upstanding muggle citizen for years?
Well, I think they just don't believe it can be "unfairly" mucked up. To them, he's supposed to be in Azkaban, and it doesn't matter how nice a person he is now; he should be that nice person in Azkaban. Anything less is not acceptable. And I think that if pressed they would probably agree that he shouldn't be blamed for what his father did, but... the blame is still there, whether they are aware of it or not.

Thanks for your comment! And I'm so glad you like it so far :) :) :)

[sweetwaterpink.livejournal.com]

I really missed this story so I was jumping for joy when I saw the update. This chapter was so bittersweet. The struggle that Draco and Harry must go through was so beautifully worded. I love that you repeated Harry's plea at the end.

[annafugazzi.livejournal.com]

I really missed this story so I was jumping for joy when I saw the update.
::bounces happily::

The struggle that Draco and Harry must go through was so beautifully worded. I love that you repeated Harry's plea at the end.
Thanks!

[kepompong.livejournal.com]

Woot! New Chapter.
It's great as always. I love the argument. I don't mean it in bad ways. It just feels more real when relationship can involve fights as well. And considering their situation, of course there will be fights. Anyway, good job!

[annafugazzi.livejournal.com]

It just feels more real when relationship can involve fights as well. And considering their situation, of course there will be fights.
Yeah, that's the way I see it. I could see them fighting frequently even if things were more settled and positive outside their relationship, just because they're both pretty strong personalities and different ways of viewing the world.

[prilbrum.livejournal.com]

Wonderful chapter. And it dealt with a conundrum that really can slap people around in real life: standing in a place where you can't find the right answer, where nothing works, and yet what is at stake is so important. And yet Harry asks for time. With time you never know what might be revealed around the corner, or how shapes might change just enough to let things fit together.

Loved the chapter.

...woefully far behind answering comments again :(

[annafugazzi.livejournal.com]

Wonderful chapter.
Thank you!

With time you never know what might be revealed around the corner, or how shapes might change just enough to let things fit together.
Yeah, but... it takes a bit of a leap of faith to hang in and believe somehow shapes will change for the better, you know?

Loved the chapter.
Yay! Thanks for your comment :) :) :)

[lisa3353.livejournal.com]

I always kick myself when i get involved in a WIP, but, for some reason, each of your chapters are so satisfying that I never hesitate to jump into one of yours. What really strikes me about this chapter is how, logically, we all know life would be so much easier for them if they weren't involved, but as we all know, love chooses us, we don't choose it. Which the Weasleys seem to ignore, sadly. I don't know how you're going to resolve this so our boys are together...but I trust you.

[annafugazzi.livejournal.com]

I always kick myself when i get involved in a WIP, but, for some reason, each of your chapters are so satisfying that I never hesitate to jump into one of yours.
That's one of the nicest things I've heard recently :) :) :)

... partly 'cause I kick myself when I get involved in WIPs too ;)

but as we all know, love chooses us, we don't choose it. Which the Weasleys seem to ignore, sadly.
Well, yeah. Not all of them, though.

I don't know how you're going to resolve this so our boys are together...but I trust you.
Eep! Well, I've got four more chapters to do it in, if it's gonna be done at all. ::glares at boys determinedly::

[rickey-a.livejournal.com]

awww, I'm really enjoying this story. I don't usually read WiPs but this is one of a few exceptions.
they have to work it out
I await the rest

[annafugazzi.livejournal.com]

Thanks! Glad you like it so far :)

[zebrui.livejournal.com]

I can't tell you how happy I was to notice this fic here after reading everything you wrote on fictionalley repeatedly. It feels like going to sleep in your own bed after a month of being away from home. Everyone's still deliciously in character and God, the music! I've never read a fic that had music intervened with story and it works amazingly well - you got me completely addicted to choir singing (any choir cd recommendations outside the story?). All Too Soon does sound like magic and I'm so touched you shared some of your own choir performances - I'm so sorry about your Mum :(

Background story for all characters is very serious and somber and it really works here - you address every situation thoroughly and originally... beautifully. My only "complaint" is... well, I repeatedly find myself wishing I could stupefy both boys so Draco and Harry could have more sha... um... quality time together ;) But other than that I'm enjoying it immensely. Can't wait for the next installment - you are an amazing writer!

[annafugazzi.livejournal.com]

I can't tell you how happy I was to notice this fic here after reading everything you wrote on fictionalley repeatedly.
Thanks! I really need to update my fictionalley account - I think it's missing several of my more recent stories.

I've never read a fic that had music intervened with story and it works amazingly well - you got me completely addicted to choir singing (any choir cd recommendations outside the story?).
Yay!! It's so neat to read this; I didn't really expect too many people to bother following the links, so it's wonderful that apparently, they are doing so and enjoying them.

All Too Soon does sound like magic and I'm so touched you shared some of your own choir performances - I'm so sorry about your Mum :(
Thanks :)

My only "complaint" is... well, I repeatedly find myself wishing I could stupefy both boys so Draco and Harry could have more sha... um... quality time together ;)
Ah yes, quality time ;) ::ahem::

Thanks so much for your review :) :)

[stereosymbiosis.livejournal.com]

Oh man, I've been looking for fics that have to do with music forever, and I can't believe I haven't stumbled upon this before. This is absolutely wonderful, and not just because of the music. Great job, and I can't wait for more. :)

[annafugazzi.livejournal.com]

Oh man, I've been looking for fics that have to do with music forever, and I can't believe I haven't stumbled upon this before.
Yay! Thanks :) :) :)

I totally hadn't thought of writing anything music-related, but then I read silentauror's Agnus Dei (http://archive.skyehawke.com/story.php?no=8604&chapter=1&font=&size=) and was totally enthralled. This doesn't come close in terms of quality, but I'm having fun with it anyway :)

Thanks so much for your comment :)