Riptiding Away

[annafugazzi]

I'm a little hesitant about posting this because it's a lot like a Director's Commentary thingy. I've tried to watch the ones for LOTR so many times, and they're unbelievably soporific. Love them, really interested in what they have to say, but they knock me out within ten minutes every time.

Posting it anyway. If you choose to read, have soft things nearby, so when you fall asleep you won't bruise yourself ;)

So, yeah, Riptide. Which I wrote.

Has got to be the most responded-to thing I've ever written, at least on a per-word basis. Bond got more comments, but it's a monster and has been up for years now, so it doesn't count. I started writing down my thoughts after some of the comments Riptide got and it kinda... grew. ::blinks in dismay:: And kept growing. And by now, OMG it even needs a Table of Contents ::facepalm:: Read only the parts that interest you :)

Note: Draco's wife was referred to as Astoria Greengrass by JRK in an interview, but then the family tree she drew seemed to show the name as Asteria. I chose Asteria because Astoria makes me think of a hotel, and then I think of Paris Hilton, and then it's all downhill from there.


1. Commenting on Comments

Yes, I'm talking in part about the negative comments. This is definitely the piece I've written that's received the most wholly & partly negative feedback. To say it's been a learning experience is like calling the Mississippi a "little creek" ;)

Now, just so's you know, my approach to negative comments (not that I'd had many before this fic) is as follows. I generally divvy them up into three categories:

1. The ones where I realize the reader got it right and I got it wrong. What they read was not what I meant to say, but it is, in fact, what I did say. ::headdesks:: result from these comments.
   
2. The ones where I disagree with the reader, shrug and think Que será, será, and vive la différence. They saw something I didn't put in there. Not my fault or theirs, just two people making different interpretations of the same text. These comments produce thoughtful "Hmmmm..." sounds.
   
3. The ones where I disagree, and I'm right, damnit. To be eye-rolled at, and possibly shared with friends.

I tend to put most negative comments in categories one and two. Sometimes people see something I didn't intend to put in there, but I figure, if they saw it, there's a reason for that. Sometimes the reason is that they were skimming and not reading carefully, and missed a few subtle cues. Which may look like their problem, not mine, but the fact is that if I'm writing for a general public, I should keep in mind that many people do skim. Not that I have to make things blindingly obvious; maybe I don't particularly care to cater to skimmers. But I should at least be aware of skimming, and keep in mind that, if I go too subtle, I will lose some people.

A category three comment would be one where, for example, someone was disgusted with Riptide because of the nauseating mutual Narcissa/Draco lust running through it. Um, you know what? Your issues, not mine. Get help. Please.

- nobody said that, BTW. I made it up. But that's the kind of negative response that would make me respond with a heartfelt pffffft.

There weren't many of those among the negative comments for Riptide. In fact, I can only remember one off the top of my head. Most of them were thought-provoking, and in a way, really pretty cool :)



2. Why the ending? AKA: I'm an idiot

First off, I was amazed and amused by the reaction my story got, and how many comments had to do with the ending. I have to be honest; part of why it ended the way it did was that I was completely out to lunch and somehow totally missed the whole "The Fool is the first prompt that will be posted" thing. I did not choose the prompt; the prompt chose me, because I was buried in RL and computer woes while my team was claiming prompts, and by the time I surfaced, The Fool was one of the only ones left, so I got it. I was bewildered as to why nobody had chosen it; it seemed so totally cool to me. So many possibilities, for both the Rightside Up and Ill-Dignified meanings. Wheee!

Went to work on the thing. Decided pretty much from the beginning that I wanted to have a semi-ambiguous ending, even though I knew that might piss some readers off, because I figured most of the stories would end with H & D together (duh, it is an H/D fest) and I wanted to do something different. I'd never written ambiguous before, and I wanted to leave it up to the readers to decide what Draco would do next. I purposely left it leaning heavily towards one decision (the one most people jumped to, the one I believe would be realistic) but I also wanted there to be the possibility of H/D down the road if you tilted your head and squinted a bit.

So why am I saying the ending the way it was due to me being an idiot?

Because had I realized before sending it in to the mods that mine would be the first fic posted, I would've given it a happy H/D ending. I am not brave enough to risk pissing readers off from the get-go of a fest. I would've either chosen a different prompt, in order to feel OK with ambivalence/not-necessarily H/D 4evah, or I would've finished Riptide happily and just hoped that someone else on my team would risk the Sad.

I'm glad I didn't know. I'm glad I wrote the ending I did. I've never had a fic cause a stir like that. Many people said unkind things about something that I wrote, and you know what? The world didn't end. I learned from the experience, and grew as a writer, and would do it again in a heartbeat :)



3. Harry: Whaddup?

A lot of the comments said that my Harry wasn't terribly sympathetic, which is fair. He's not really supposed to be; this is primarily Draco's story, not Harry's. However, I wasn't intending to write him as totally unsympathetic either. And while I think a lot of the lack of sympathy was because of how I wrote him, I also think some of the reactions came from the way the readers interpreted him, and not necessarily from how I wrote him.

This next part is going to sound like I'm arguing with how people read Harry in this story, but I'm not. Like I said, as a general rule, I figure if you read something into my story that I didn't intend to put in there, what you read isn't wrong. (Um, unless you read that Ginny was secretly lusting for Draco the whole time.) I may not have intended to say something you saw (eg Harry has become an alcoholic) but if you saw it there, there's probably a good reason for it.

Also, a lot of what I'm going to say isn't stuff that I was really hoping to get across to readers and failed to do. When it comes to how Harry's feeling and dealing with everything, I had a backstory, but tried to keep strictly to Draco's POV. And as Draco doesn't know what's going on with Harry, there's no reason the readers should be able to figure it out either. Hell, I don't even know what's going on with Harry. I have my ideas, and they influenced how I wrote him, but you may have read the words and come to a totally different conclusion and we could both be right.

So here's my backstory on Harry. Remember, this is my take only. Your take was different? You're probably right too :)

Once upon a time, Harry and Ginny were (mostly) happily married, had kids, careers, happily ever after, the family he always wanted, and All Was Well. Then their kids went to school. All of a sudden they found themselves spending a lot of time together in an empty house (seriously, that's the most messed up part of JKR's world for me - how the hell do you just cheerfully bundle off your kids for the last third of their childhoods? ::boggle::). And they started to realize a few things. Like, for example, they'd been together since they were children. They had never really dated other people seriously; one wet kiss and disastrous date, and two boys dropped for stupid reasons, do not 'relationships' make. They had never really thought of anybody else seriously.

So here they are, the kids are all gone, and Ginny's thinking, I've loved this guy my entire life... or have I? Did I just fall for him because of the stories my family told? And because he was my brother's best friend, and everybody's hero?

Harry's thinking, I've been with her forever... was I attracted to her, or to the fact that she represented family to me? I would figure he would also wonder if the "girl" thing was really his thing after all; he would've wondered about other guys once in a while, maybe even told Ginny about it, and maybe wondered if he would've been happier with another man. There's a reason, I think, that Half-Blood Prince contained the line, "The battle waged on: Ginny or Ron?" (Yes, I'm a closet HP/RW fan.) It wouldn't surprise me if Ginny sensed something like this. Maybe he even told her about it.

In my mind, Ginny cracked first. Harry says something like that, that she's the one who suggested they break up and he had some difficulty with it. ("Had this sort of... chest-monster thing going, actually.")

After much hearbreak and arguing and ugliness (which Harry breezes off as "It was painful and ugly... yadda yadda") they decide on their current arrangement.

They split. And it's liberating and life-affirming and everything they hoped it would be, and they're both having fun, doing the dumb things they never really got a chance to do, what with fearing Death By Megalomaniac and being tortured and the whole war thing. Harry's so damn happy, in fact, that he spends a great deal of his time getting tanked. He's just that thrilled to be free.

Back up a bit.

OK, no. Harry is happy. It is working. It was the right thing to do, for both of them as individuals and as a couple. But as Harry said, It's come at a price, and I think it's a heavier price than he likes to admit to himself. He's been jealous, he's been lonely and insecure, he's wondered if they've fucked up their lives, and he's dealt with that by drinking a bit too much. Not necessarily descending into pathological alcoholism to deal with the misery of his life, not at all - just, you know, sanding off the edges once in a while. A little too often.

Into all of this comes Draco. And Harry genuinely doesn't want to get in his pants at first. He used to find Draco interesting and probably subconciously also found him attractive, even when he hated him, but hasn't known or cared much about his doings since the war. Draco Malfoy = Big Nothing in Harry's life. Even when he starts bumping into him on a semi-regular basis.

Yadda yadda, they end up spending a bit of time together. Harry shares what's going on in his life, because it's interesting and out there anyway, and he's just not that bothered about his privacy any more. Remember; he's past forty, has been Head Auror for a long time, and he's used to much worse than the kind of negative publicity he's being subjected to right now. Anyway, in the process of sharing he notes that Draco is somewhat... blah. No adventures, no glowing stories about his wife or son or career, nothing. Not the Draco Harry knew back at school at all. He's intrigued.

Intrigued eventually becomes attracted. Partly because of their history, partly because Draco's attractive, partly because Draco seems to be sleepwalking through his life. Harry feels compassion for him, and as a friend he wants to help out, make Draco think about his life. I think at first he's really not trying to get him into bed; it's more of a "Bloody hell, at least think about it: do you love your wife, or do you want to explore?" And at some point another part is added on: "Oh and by the way if you want to explore, hey! I do too!"

Eventually he's pretty sure that Draco does not, in fact, love his wife. That he does want to explore. And that's a good thing, thinks Harry, because exploring is a good thing and if it's working for Harry (give or take a few drinks too many) surely it should work for Draco! And while we're at it, it should work for Asteria too! Hey, everybody wins!

Ah, no.

(BTW, one reader was upset that Harry was telling Draco all about his life just to get in his pants, and that review bugged me because I didn't mean to make it sound like that at all. In my mind, Harry was probably talking because by now he was used to his life being an open book, and didn't particularly care any more. It was only later, around the middle of the story, that he had the slightest interest in getting into Draco's pants. But that's what this reader saw, and it was a valid conclusion to draw. One that I really didn't intend to put in there. Category #1 review => ::facepalm::)

Anyway, personally I don't think Harry's trying to be a bastard at all. I think he's doing his best to really live his life, and I think he genuinely believes that what he's doing is best for himself and Ginny and their kids, and genuinely believes that Draco's life needs a shake-up too. And I think Harry's willingness to put Draco's marriage in jeopardy isn't malice or selfishness, it's simple blindness. Harry's never been great at being able to understand other people. Hopefully he's improved over the years, but I can't see it ever being his forte.

Also, a lot of Harry's actions towards Draco are also due to him acting on some of his own insecurities. The first time he comes on the Draco is when the paper has reported something that's actually true for once: Ginny is contemplating remarriage. That can't feel good. Harry's beyond conflicted, he needs to do something to get his mind off the fact that "freedom to explore" does, in fact, mean freedom to ditch, and he pushes Draco and messes up.

The second time he pursues Draco he's feeling even more messed up. The paper has said nasty things about his kids, and although he tells himself it's all complete crap... his kids are in the papers. Even if they were all supremely happy with their lives, his oldest son has been portrayed as an unstable alcoholic and complete academic failure, his little girl as a troublemaking slut, his middle son as a plucky young man desperately trying to make up for the crap his life has turned into because of his parents... and it's his fault.

And to make things worse, if Harry has any kind of insight at all (which I'm assuming he does), he knows that the papers, while prone to exaggeration and fabrication, do report the truth sometimes. Maybe he suspects that some of what's in there is true. Maybe he knows some of it is; maybe James' marks were indeed suffering, maybe Lily has been getting into trouble, maybe they have shown, on holidays or in their letters, that they are not in fact supremely happy with the choices their parents are making.

Now, I'm assuming the kids are mostly OK with things. Their parents have been honest with them, they obviously still love each other and, more importantly, still adore their children. But the kids can't be getting through this completely unscathed. They're bound to worry. They're bound to feel sad sometimes. They may think a lot of the newspaper stories are funny, but it's got to get to them sometimes, seeing their beloved parents portrayed as out of control, erratic, etc. And just as their friends aren't pleased at seeing themselves in print, their kids probably are not going to be thrilled at what the papers have to say about them either.

As Harry says at one point, "It hasn't been without cost."

Into all of this Harry's got Draco, a man he sees sleepwalking through life and who he finds attractive and interesting. Kids are getting hurt, wife may be walking out for good, but hey, here's someone I like and could really have something special with - not just a one-nighter, but something more. And he's not happy with his life either! Excellent.

It's only near the end that Harry finally realizes that what he's doing isn't fair to Draco. That maybe Draco really can't walk away from his marriage as easily as Harry has. And considering that walking away hasn't exactly been a walk in the park for Harry, it hits him, finally - because Harry's a bit thick sometimes - that it might be even harder for Draco, and that he's being a selfish prick by pressuring him.

So, that's Harry as I see him.

It bears repeating here that if you read him and got a different impression of him, that's perfectly valid. We only see him through the papers (biased) and Draco's eyes (also biased). I knew what I was thinking about him, but just about any interpretation of him is fair.

Um, unless you're thinking he actually only really wanted to be a woman all along. Then I think we'd have to have a chat.



4. Draco

Now, for Draco, I was trying to get into his mind, a lot more than for Harry, and might've been upset at bad reviews or misunderstandings concerning him. Not because the readers read it 'wrong' (unless, you know, they got the impression all he'd ever wanted out of life was to become a ballerina) but because I might have failed to write him well enough to get across what I wanted to get across. There was some wiggle room for him, but not nearly to the extent that there was for Harry.

Happily, I don't think there were any bad reviews about him. Not what I consider bad reviews, anyway :)

Which is not to say everyone loved him. In fact, one of the first people to comment said that they didn't like how he was such a minor character here, and that they hated how JKR had married him off to a minor character's younger sibling because that just didn't go with the Major Character he was in early books, and I was writing him the same way.

For the record? That review made me both wince and cheer. Because I loathe the way JKR wrote him in Deathly Hallows. After the depth and texture she gave to him in HBP, to have him barely make any appearances in DH, and to make his appearances so bleh, was really sad, IMHO.

I don't think less of JKR for this; I think it totally made sense and fit with the character as she'd written him. He had always relied on his family connections to make himself feel big, but in HBP he got a taste for what happened when those family connections weren't exactly an asset. His dad was locked up, he was shunned by Slughorn, he was targetted by Voldemort into doing something impossible... and he reacted beautifully, IMHO. False bravado and scorn and a need to prove himself and protect his family, and growing uncertainty and fear and desperation. GOD, I loved him in HBP.

And unfortunately, he reacted true to himself in DH. After all, he'd failed in HBP. His family was totally ineffective. His powerful father was a wandless shell of himself, they had to host lunatics in their home, and then he had to go back to school with more lunatics. Seeing him so scared and diminished was painful, but realistic, I think. And I loved the little tidbits JKR threw us - that he refused to identify schoolmates he'd spent six years with, that he refused to let go of Goyle in a burning room, that he still asked about Crabbe, even after Crabbe defied him and then almost killed them all - all of that.

Still. Overall, I hated what had happened to him. Found it logical, but hated it. Hated the nameless wife and the receding hairline too ::stabbity::

And that's exactly how I decided to write him. He had tried to do all sorts of big things, and they had all failed. He ended the war alive, but on the losing side. His family stayed out of prison, but I couldn't see them ever regaining their lost position in the wizarding world. I think he really would just crumble and put his head down and do what was expected, whether he wanted to or not.

So there he is, trudging through life. Harry can see that very clearly at least, even if he misses a few other very important aspects of Draco's life. He's not unhappy, per se; he's made the best of things, and doesn't really expect much more. He's got a good job, a lovely and caring wife, an intelligent son. He's OK with that. So OK that he spends a lot of time in pubs rather than going home to his lovely, empty-headed wife.

OK, so maybe this is not a terribly happy man.

Then he sees Harry. Who appears to be falling apart, which both amuses and disturbs him. And then intrigues him, because of the many things about Harry that don't seem to add up. The papers say one thing, but Harry's actions say something else. Slowly Draco starts to wonder whether Harry's life is really so bad, and whether his own is so good. And after Harry finally fills him in on things - the break-up is mutual, his life is hardly in the toilet, this self-discovery thing really is pretty cool - he really starts to wonder. Here's Harry, whose life pre-"breakdown" made Draco's pale by comparison. And Harry didn't even think that was good enough. Harry's reached out for more. Draco desperately wants to do the same thing.

At the same time, Draco's no idiot. He knows that what he's got may not be stellar, but it's nothing to sneeze at either, and he knows damn well that if he tries for what Harry's reaching for he will almost certainly fail, miserably - again - and lose everything. Harry's still got his family and kids and even a lot of society on his side. And the nasty parts that come with his actions (negative stories, possible fallout on kids/friends, etc) don't seem to bother him that much. Harry has to tell Draco that it was painful getting to where he is, and that it hasn't been without cost; Draco can't see that for himself. He's not even sure he believes it. He does know that he wants what Harry's got, but also knows he almost certainly can't have it.

He goes for it anyway. Because he's drawn to the life Harry's living, and drawn to Harry, and wants to feel alive again.

He comes to his senses eventually. He's not proud of what he's done, feels like crap for risking what he's got, knows that however much he wants to continue, his wants are not the only thing that's important.

So he's back at square one, except that now he's also feeling like crap about having cheated on his wife.

Except, not quite.



5. No, really, why the ending?

What I wanted to show, in the end, was a bit of hope. I wanted to show that Draco was still angry and confused and wishing he could have a real relationship with Harry, but that despite himself he had learned from the experience. That maybe he would at least examine his life and not sleepwalk through it.

She doesn't make you happy...
It doesn't have to be like that, Draco...
What about what you deserve?
I think there could be something here...
If you change your mind, let me know...
Make a journey of it.

The quotes I have at the end are all things that Harry has said to him, and they all have meaning for Draco. They may not have, when they were spoken, but Draco remembers them, and what I hope is that he can mull them over, and maybe even do something about them someday.

So what does he decide?

I think there's two possibilities.

1. He decides that Harry was right after all. Harry did say that he would be willing to risk what he had with Ginny to pursue something with Draco. And now he's heard that Ginny isn't exactly jumping to get back with Harry. And Draco has just heard the two of them talking together, like friends, and it's so far away from what he and Asteria have that there's just no comparison. So Draco takes Asteria home, feeling guilty because he knows he's either going to have to have a long talk with her (after he talks to Harry and sees what that situation is all about - can't see him jumping to talk to Asteria ASAP, especially after hearing that Harry seems to want to go back to Ginny) and set up an open marriage, or just start cheating on her.
   
   My money's on a combination: he'll go back to seeing Harry, and if it gets more serious, be honest with Asteria. He feels like crap about this, but he's realized that he can't live his whole life for others. He might even be thinking that maybe Harry's got a point and Asteria deserves a marriage that's based on more than just gratitude. So, if Harry's still up for it, he and Harry will get together, and see what happens. It'll be a journey.
   
   And when he takes Asteria's hand guiltily, he does so because she's looking pleased, and he realises that (a) she's pleased because he's hardly ever affectionate to her and (b) he's about to make things even worse.
   
   
2. He decides Harry was right after all and he needs to get on with his life. He's treated Asteria like shit, whether she knows it or not, and he feels guilty about that. Contrary to the choices Harry's made, he decides to honour his commitment to Asteria. She's his wife, and she loves him, and he does love her in his own way. Avoiding her has been the easy but stupid thing to do. She doesn't make him happy; but maybe she could.
   
   And when he takes Asteria's hand guiltily, he does so because she's looking pleased, and he realises that (a) she's pleased because he's hardly ever affectionate to her and (b) he doesn't know if he can really do anything about it. But maybe now at least he might be willing to try. And that might be a journey too.

Personally, I go with option #2. I think #1 is possible, but not as likely as #2. Although one thing that's both amused me and made me go hmmm has been that almost everybody thought that not only that would Draco stay with Asteria, but that that particular ending was obvious.

I dunno, maybe I'm more of a cock-eyed optimist than most people; I could really see #1 happening as well.

Oh and it bears repeating here as well: if you felt there was no ambiguity, or if you felt #2 was obvious but only saw it as sad, not hopeful at all, and missed/misinterpreted Draco's taking of Asteria's hand at the end? You're not wrong. Depending on why you thought any of that I may be ::headdesk::ing myself or thinking Vive la différence, but you're not wrong.


6. So who's the Fool?

Well it's a rhetorical question, doncha know ;)

I will say this, though:

From June Kaminski, BellaOnline's Tarot Editor:

The Upright Fool card represents a new beginning, a fresh start in any aspect of our life. When this card is drawn, we are faced with important choices and decisions which need to be made as we begin this new life-cycle and to deal with any difficult challenges along the way. The Fool tells us to face these challenges with energy, optimism and faith, which will ensure a positive outcome. It also points out that we must develop faith in our abilities to make the right choices, to keep the faith, and to walk our own unique path with optimism and hope.

The Reversed Fool card gives us a clear warning that we must resist the temptation to act recklessly or immaturely in any new situation. We must accept our responsibilities and commitments and honor them wholely. Due consideration is required - problems and indiscretions resulting from impatience or impulsiveness are indicated. It also shows inhibitions that are caused by mental, emotional and physical restraints and tensions. We are burdened with a sense of obligation towards society and our daily duties.

And from Aeclectic Tarot

Description: The fool in colorful motley clothes, pack tied to a staff, a small dog, a cliff.

... the Fool represents a time of newness, a time when life has been "re-started" as it were. The person feels that they are back at Zero, whether that be in romantic affairs, or career, at their job or intellectual persuits. Far from being sad or frustrating, the Querent feels remarkably *free*, light hearted and refreshed, as if being given a second chance. They feel young and energized.

In addition, they likely have no idea where they're going or what they're going to do. But that doesn't matter. For the Fool, the most important thing is to just go out and enjoy the world. To see what there is to see and delight in all of it.

Unfortunately, in this childlike state the person is likely to be overly optimistic or naive. A Fool can be a Fool. This is the card likely to turn up ... when the Querent is sure that it's "love this time!" ... they're so busy daydreaming of what might be that they're ignoring what is. They're about to fall right off a cliff. Time for them to listen to that watchful little dog, which might be a concerned friend, a wise tarot reader, or just their instincts.



7. Specific comments

1. I got a few comments criticizing my portrayal of Ginny and the other Weasleys as being "all right" with all the crap Harry was pulling. Something like, why would Ginny be OK with all of this? It wasn't what she'd signed up for, after all. Someone else (or maybe the same person) said Riptide was terribly unrealistic because the Weasleys weren't the type of people to be all cheerful about Harry screwing around on their daughter/baby sister.
   
   I gotta say, those comments made me blink a bit. In part because I thought I'd made it pretty clear that the whole thing was mostly Ginny's idea in the first place. To put it childishly, she started it. And at the end, she was the one who wasn't exactly eager to end their lovely philandering journeys.
   
   And as for the Weasleys all being perfectly happy about it... again, I wasn't sure how to respond because I'm not sure I wrote them perfectly happy. Granted, there was no reference to Harry being in fear of his life from Ginny's five older brothers. But other than that...
   
   OK, George gives Harry a job, Ron is with him for one drunken excursion that we know of, and one of them makes a joking remark along the lines of Harry not being allowed to molest their sister till he makes an honest woman of her again. I'm not sure this is the same as "being OK with" the behaviour. Especially as they (and close friends like Neville and Lee) keep ending up in the papers rather unflatteringly. In fact, one paper speculates that Harry's kids may have joined the rest of the Weasley family in turning their backs on Potter.
   
   IMHO Molly Weasley, for one, would not exactly be shy about her opinions on the whole situation. And Percy Weasley telling the papers "I don't care what you say about my sister or Harry ... But you write one word about those kids..." well, I wouldn't be surprised if that was expressing more than a little anger at both Ginny and Harry. Percy's a man for whom appearances are important. He may still be on speaking terms with both of them (though we only see him with Ginny) but I doubt he'd approve of what they're doing. The reporter writes Why such violent over-protectiveness? Perhaps he has become used to the idea that somebody must look after these children, since their own parents don't seem to care to do so? I could certainly see Percy, for one, being completely disgusted with them both, and worried about their children, whether the kids need him to be worried about them or not.
   
   
2. I also got comments about how I should've had Harry give Draco more. Some kind of promise, some guarantee, something to go on, other than "I think there might be something here."
   
   I just couldn't see that happening. Harry - as I see him, in this fic - is trying to be honest. With himself and with others. He can't promise Draco anything. He finds Draco attractive, is very strongly drawn to him, and is even willing to jeopardize his marriage to see where things can go with him. But he's not willing to make any promises, because that would be lying.
   
   And besides, a Fool is supposed to make a choice, between drab safety and uncertain dreams.
   
   
3. I also got many comments re. Harry being OOC.
   
   Well... yeah. That's part of the point of the story. I dunno, maybe I should put in more of Draco's inner thoughts saying, "Whoa, this guy's acting totally OOC, what is up with that?" IMHO I had already done that, and actually done it a little too much. But that's a judgment call, and I'm well aware that I may have called it wrong.

8. And the moral of the story is

No, this is not "What should Draco/Harry have done/do next?" 'Cause that's up to them ;)

This is "What would I do differently if I were to write & post this story now?"

• Maybe include a warning for not-necessarily-happy ending. Maybe.
  
• Define The Fool in the Author notes!
  
• Possibly warn for OOC. Probably not.
  
• Lighten up the second half. It was supposed to get less happy, but there still could've been more humour there, even if it was somewhat bitter.
  
• Not be scared of writing something people might not like :)

By the way, vaysh11, ayes_sid and scrtkpr? Go you for guessing right!

Comments

[romaine24.livejournal.com]

OMG I'm feeling so smug right now. *g*. I'm usually the one questioning why things happened in stories, and this one I totally got. Maybe it has something to do with being in my forties and being with the same man forever. LOL

While Harry and Ginny were paying a price, I felt that if they hadn't of done this they would've ended up miserable and hated each other. That price would have been a bigger one to pay.

I love happy h/d endings too, but given this story I was really pleased with the ending, which I saw as number 2.

Thank you so much for all of this wonderful background and insight into a great story.

edit: I have to ask: Were you laughing while writing Harry singing?

[annafugazzi.livejournal.com]

OMG I'm feeling so smug right now. *g*. I'm usually the one questioning why things happened in stories, and this one I totally got. Maybe it has something to do with being in my forties and being with the same man forever. LOL
LOL! Well, I'm in my late thirties and have been with the same man forever too, so maybe we both have a special understanding of these things :D :D

While Harry and Ginny were paying a price, I felt that if they hadn't of done this they would've ended up miserable and hated each other.
Yeah, that's the way I was picturing it that way too.

edit: I have to ask: Were you laughing while writing Harry singing?
LOL! I was definitely snickering :D :D :D

[rickey-a.livejournal.com]

Not be scared of writing something people might not like :)

I read all your commentary, b/c I was really curious... but really it's that last line that sums it all up. I've had to learn that lesson. It's hard b/c it causes a war between the two main reasons we write. We write for ourselves simply b/c we love to do it and we have a story we want to tell, but we also write & post b/c we want people to read it and to connect with it. When you write something you know will appeal to a smaller audience, it's hard, but still a good thing to try now and again.

[annafugazzi.livejournal.com]

I read all your commentary, b/c I was really curious...
Heh - I'm quite surprised how many people did :) :) :)

We write for ourselves simply b/c we love to do it and we have a story we want to tell, but we also write & post b/c we want people to read it and to connect with it. When you write something you know will appeal to a smaller audience, it's hard, but still a good thing to try now and again.
Yeah, there's a quote from some famous author (and damn, I wish I could remember who) who said "It is better to write for yourself and have no readers, than write for your readers and have no self." I'm tempted to print it out and tape it next to my keyboard. Bloody difficult advice to take!

[maple-mahogany.livejournal.com]

You are one special cookie, you know that? I may be utterly unrelated to anything H/D, but I enjoyed hearing you talk about your writing. I admire you for trying something different and letting the chips fall where they may.

I respect your reaction to critical comments as well, and I think your take is similar to mine. I have been fortunate enough not to be on the receiving end of too much negativity, but there has been some. There are the batshite reviewers who don't like the characters or pairing or genre and there is simply nothing I could do to please those people. There are the occasional others who simply didn't connect with or buy what I was selling, and well, I guess I just missed the mark there, right? Who am I, friggin' Maya Angelou? I'm fanfic writer who never touched 'a pen' before 2 1/2 years ago. I do my best and I'll continue to try to do better. What else is there, you know?

Keep up the good work.

(and please, come out of the H/R closet, we're nice!)

[annafugazzi.livejournal.com]

You are one special cookie, you know that?
LOL! ::makes self special cookie icon:: ::damn, am at icon limit::

There are the batshite reviewers who don't like the characters or pairing or genre and there is simply nothing I could do to please those people.
Yeah, sometimes they're good for a laugh, though. Somebody on my flist is writing a post-DH fic that is clearly labelled as a H/D fic, and has a rabid H/G shipper who keeps asking when H/G will get back together. B'zuh?

There are the occasional others who simply didn't connect with or buy what I was selling, and well, I guess I just missed the mark there, right? Who am I, friggin' Maya Angelou? I'm fanfic writer who never touched 'a pen' before 2 1/2 years ago. I do my best and I'll continue to try to do better.
LOL - yeah, same approach here. It's a hobby, folks. I take care, and take pride, in my work, but sometimes shit just doesn't work out. It's not like we're getting paid for this :) :)

(and please, come out of the H/R closet, we're nice!)
Oh I know! I feel all disloyal to my H/D OTP, but hey, if Harry can take a break from his marriage to explore, I shouldn't feel guilty, I guess :D :D

And speaking of OTPs, you do know that there was somebody who was going to make icons saying "maple_mahogany made me ship George/Lee!" right? Don't know if they did or not, but the plans were afoot.

[allika.livejournal.com]

So, my first thought when I saw this was "OMG, I can't believe I gave such a negative review to annafugazzi!" I'm really glad now that worldcup was anonymous, because I honestly would never have been able to leave the review I did if I had known you were you. I soo appreciate that you wrote this commentary, because I know where you were coming from, now. But (and you have no idea how hard this is to say!!!) I still feel the same, though I think a great deal of my dislike stems from the unhappy ending. But that's not really a criticism of your writing, just not my cup o' tea.

[annafugazzi.livejournal.com]

So, my first thought when I saw this was "OMG, I can't believe I gave such a negative review to annafugazzi!"
LOL had to go look it up, because believe me, you were not the only one :D :D :D

I'm really glad now that worldcup was anonymous,
Yeah, that's what I like about anon fests. Your story stands or falls based on its merits, not your name. Which is a good thing!

But (and you have no idea how hard this is to say!!!) I still feel the same, though I think a great deal of my dislike stems from the unhappy ending. But that's not really a criticism of your writing, just not my cup o' tea.
Well, that's the thing, though. You read what you read, and reacted how you reacted, honestly. You weren't wrong. I wasn't trying to make Harry out to be a hero, or condone his actions; I was presenting his actions and showing what Draco thought of them, and figuring the readers would make their own judgements.

Your judgement was that he (and Ginny) were being irresponsible and cavalier, and that certainly fits what we saw of them. The fact that Harry (mostly) didn't seem to have a problem with his own actions doesn't mean much, tbh; most people tend to think they're the good guys, whether they are or not. Eg, I currently know of a guy who has actually screwed off on his wife and two kids and is pushing them to sell their house and move to a small apartment so he won't have to pay as much child support, and the guy honestly believes he's only doing what's right. Baffling.

Like I said, if you read Harry's actions differently from how I saw them, you're not wrong. Unless you thought he wanted to be a woman. ::checking:: Which you didn't! So you're OK ;)

[calanthe-fics.livejournal.com]

I think you are a true model for restrained, adult behaviour. Thank you for not f-locking (or posting public, for that matter) angst-ridden posts about your fic and overeacting to some of the comments. I didn't know you awfully well before, but now I'm proud to know you. You have that ability to maintain perspective and be objective even in difficult circumstances.

:D

I think you fell foul of the initial feeding frenzy. People saw the early posts as their (perhaps in some cases) first opportunity to be brutal and say what they thought without padding. I believe an overemphasis on the competitive nature of the fest fed the notion of public critting, because people were invested in making one team look 'good', sometimes by making another team look 'bad' (oversimplified, but you get my point).

I always understood when reading your fic that we were seeing Harry through Draco's eyes, in complete reverse to how it was in the books, and that we couldn't expect Harry to be the same as we knew him in canon.

The ending? Well, yes, I am a happy ending person mostly, and I yearned for a happier outcome in your fic because I felt that Draco was going back to Astoria and that was The End. But hey - it's your fic, you know? Good for you for sticking to your guns.

[annafugazzi.livejournal.com]

I think you are a true model for restrained, adult behaviour.
LOL! Thanks :D :D

Thank you for not f-locking (or posting public, for that matter) angst-ridden posts about your fic and overeacting to some of the comments.
Fun though those are to read, sometimes... yeah notsomuch ;)

I think you fell foul of the initial feeding frenzy. People saw the early posts as their (perhaps in some cases) first opportunity to be brutal and say what they thought without padding.
Well, yeah, there may have been a bit of that too. I actually noticed some of the comments (on other people's fics) were even a bit worse as the concrit hoopla grew. Because by that point it looked like some people were reacting to the calls for restraint and kindness with a heartfelt "Oh yeah? Take THAT for restraint and kindness! Nyah nyah nyah!!"

Which was so charming to behold. It's so nice when we all get along ::roll eyes::

The ending? Well, yes, I am a happy ending person mostly, and I yearned for a happier outcome in your fic because I felt that Draco was going back to Astoria and that was The End. But hey - it's your fic, you know? Good for you for sticking to your guns.
::beams:: Thank you!

[scrtkpr.livejournal.com]

♥ ♥ ♥

[annafugazzi.livejournal.com]

[grey-hunter.livejournal.com]

This all sounds very interesting. I haven't read the whole thing because this fic was one of my favourites during the fest and I want to re-read it without knowing what you intended to do there. And I'm probably one of the few people who didn't think that the ending was disappointing. Open? Yes. Full with possibilities? Definitely. I don't know why people can only imagine it to end two ways, that Harry either goes back to Ginny or ends up with Draco. and the feeling I get most strongly from post-epilogue fics is that Harry tends strongly towards polyamory heh

[annafugazzi.livejournal.com]

I haven't read the whole thing because this fic was one of my favourites during the fest and I want to re-read it without knowing what you intended to do there.
Yeah, and that was actually part of why I hesitated to post it. Because in a way, it feels like cheating. Like, you should be able to make things clear with the story itself, you know?

...but then I think that sounds awfully pretentious, like somebody dramatically declaring My art, it speaks for itself! in a weird fake Euro accent ;)

I don't know why people can only imagine it to end two ways, that Harry either goes back to Ginny or ends up with Draco. and the feeling I get most strongly from post-epilogue fics is that Harry tends strongly towards polyamory heh
LOL yeah, I get that impression too. Or maybe it's just wishful thinking. Because I really want him to have the All Was Well ending too, and think the passel of Dead Loved Ones Renamed is awfully cute, but then there's the whole H/D/OTP thing, and some wishful H/R in the background too, and hey, H/Luna is awfully sweet too, so... yeah, polyamory. And Time Turners ;)

[iamshadow.livejournal.com]

Can I just say that I adored Riptide, and that it was one of my favourite stories of the whole fest? I actually read it almost-last, because I missed the first round, and went back to read The Fool when the fest was nearly finished, but even still, I just reread it right then, so that I could comment properly, here.

I loved the ending, honestly, and truly. You're read my work, and you know my love for writing open-ended stories, that have potential for sequels, or from which possibilities fan out in many directions. I saw the potential for both possibitilities, and I adored the idea of both, and that you left it like that. It isn't always necessary to tie everything up in a neat bow. I think too many stories feel 'overdone' because people are frightened to leave possibilities open. (I think one of the reasons JKR wrote the epilogue.)

[iamshadow.livejournal.com]

I didn't think Harry was OOC. To me, he seemed like a man who's had a life of burdens and responsibilities, who's suddenly realised he's free and is giddy with it. He's getting drunk, travelling, sleeping about a bit, because as a teenager and a man in his early twenties, when everyone else does these things, he was saving the world, getting a high pressure job and settling down as a family man. He grew up far too fast. That his 'second' childhood would be a bit more extreme than the average man's doesn't surprise me in the slightest, and that Ginny feels a similar itch to explore what she's 'missed out on' doesn't seem unrealistic, either. When her team mates at the Harpies were living it up, she was already half of a committed couple. Now that the children are grown and at school, she would be feeling a bit lost, and confused about her own needs and identity.

Draco keeping his head down, marrying conventionally and conforming doesn't surprise me in the slightest. His father oozed his way back from noteriety to respect in under ten years, from the First War to the Second, and no doubt Draco has some of that ability to smooth talk, but unlike his father, he has realised that to gain any respectability back this time, he has to leave behind the political games and be completely inconspicuous. He has carved out his own little niche and he stays there, because he knows that he very nearly ended up with nothing but a prison robe and four walls to stare at, and next to that, a marriage of convenience and a pedestrian job doesn't seem that bad, though as a teenager he would have scorned them.

I thought they were both the Fool, and that was the point. Harry, blithely wandering through his new world of possibility, Draco, the Fool inverted, clinging on to convention, frightened of making a misstep and shattering his hardwon, if rather beige, existence. I thought that was pretty obvious, and I liked that you presented them that way.

I don't think the Weasleys were portrayed as being 'too okay' with things. I think that there was the tentative kind of truce in place that occurs when there is a mutual separation. Everyone is still trying to be friends with everyone else, even though there's a slightly uneasy tension, there. Ginny was portrayed just as she should be. She wasn't there much, but when she was, she was seen as going through the same bumps as Harry was. Harry had his 'posessive' boyfriend, and Ginny had her daft, insensitive one. Both obviously found some things they liked, and others they didn't, which is all part of self discovery.

I don't think there should have been promises between the two of them, and that it worked much better to leave it open. Neither Harry or Draco are in a 'promises' place. It goes against Harry's whole aim of freedom and self-exploration to make ties with someone else at this stage, as much as he likes what he found with Draco. And Draco is far too cautious to be throwing his carefully built haven to the winds for a man who's not even sure what he wants himself. Leaving it open, with the potential for more in the future, worked much, much better than declarations of love and commitment, which would have seemed OOC with the rest of the story.

And as for those final things, besides defining the Fool in the author notes maybe (honestly, can't readers look these things up themselves *rolls eyes* :) ) and being confident about your own writing, I don't think you should have changed anything. There was nothing wrong with the second half. Too much levity would have seemed false, in what is a serious situation. Draco is going through a real time of indecision, the foundation he's built his safe existence on is being rocked. And I saw the ending as a hopeful one, so why should you warn? People shouldn't expect happily ever afters every time.

[(Anonymous)]

Wow, I'm glad you didn't know your fic would be up in the first set, because the ambiguous ending was awesome!

[annafugazzi.livejournal.com]

Thanks :) :)

[painless-j.livejournal.com]

That was very interesting! I don't know why, but I'm always ridiculously glad to see so much of authorial self-awareness :)

The fic was dilightful, and its ambiguity was probably what I liked about it best. Harry's part was shown through not completely reliable (Draco who doesn't understand him very well) or completely unreliable (newspapers) POV; the ending, IMO, was ambiguous, and it all made me think and look more attentively. Was real pleasure!

Btw, I don't think Harry was OOC. We can't really say. Draco reads his words and actions and supplies motivations. But don't see Harry's inner world from Harry. So how could we say?

...finally answering comments about a million years later...

[annafugazzi.livejournal.com]

That was very interesting! I don't know why, but I'm always ridiculously glad to see so much of authorial self-awareness :)
LOL! Thanks :D :D

the ending, IMO, was ambiguous,
Yay! Not that I was terribly upset that most people didn't think it was, but it's nice to see that it was ambiguous to more than just me :) :)

Btw, I don't think Harry was OOC. We can't really say. Draco reads his words and actions and supplies motivations. But don't see Harry's inner world from Harry. So how could we say?
Well, that's what I thought, but oh well. I'm glad the fic made people think, though, whether they decided he was OOC or not.

...finally answering comments about a million years later...

[annafugazzi.livejournal.com]

I left such a crappy comment for this story and I shouldn't have because I couldn't find a way to express myself clearly at the time.
LOL! Hey, with the amount of fics coming out all at the same time, finding the time to post anything by way of commentage was an admirable feat, IMHO :)

When I finished Riptide I though, my god I don't ever want to read that again... I wanted something solid, something that didn't leave me bereft and wanting. It left me miserable about life and that I couldn’t deal with.
Yeah, I can think of a few fics that have left me feeling like that... hence considering putting a warning.

I didn't like Draco. I didn't want to see him like that. I didn’t like the way he viewed Harry and I couldn’t understand why he would be fine with staying with his wife at the end when he was clearly unhappy ... But I’ve never been in a situation like that so it was mostly because of my feelings that I felt like he was being an idiot.
Well to be honest I kinda felt like he was being an idiot too ;) I mean, I think staying with his wife and trying to make things work with her would be the smarter choice to make, and might work out very well in the end, but one of the things I had tried to show was that making the smart choices hadn't exactly worked out for the best with him so far. Not that that meant it would never work, but... yeah. When "smart" hasn't worked well, it may be time to wonder if "smart" is really all that smart after all.

I have a little more insight into how you wrote your Draco, and I find it interesting that you purposely wrote him like that. I loved your explanation but I have to say, this Draco will never be my favourite:)
Yeah, not my fave Draco either. Like I said, I tried to write him the way (I thought) Rowling wrote him in DH, and I really loathed how she wrote him in DH. Interesting writing exercise; not doing it again, not with that character :)

Funnily enough I found myself choosing Riptide as the favourite of that prompt.
LOL! Cool! Thanks :) :)

[tulimeeria.livejournal.com]

I would never have guessed Riptide was yours. :)

Like I said, it's never a bad thing to make me essentially get into a fist fight with my own brain over who was right and wrong and who should have done what and what the hell this is all really about. I'd like to clarify something, though:

one of the first people to comment said that they didn't like how he was such a minor character here, and that they hated how JKR had married him off to a minor character's younger sibling because that just didn't go with the Major Character he was in early books, and I was writing him the same way.

That was me and I see now that the original comment was quite poorly worded for this part. I didn't think Draco was a small character in your story, or that that was bad, just that your Draco was like a look behind the scenes to JKR's epilogue-Draco. Which was interesting. It touched me a lot how defeated and rather disappointed he seemed to be in the way his life turned out. You put it so well above - how all the promises of an eminent future dissolved into nothing. Sorry about that, it was unclear.

Anyway, congrats! If I was you I'd be feeling pretty good about myself right now. :)

P.S. So there wasn't a secret Polyjuice scheme running underneath somewhere?

...finally answering comments about a million years later...

[annafugazzi.livejournal.com]

I would never have guessed Riptide was yours. :)
Apparently a lot of people didn't! Which was very interesting, I thought, especially since scrtkpr contacted me about five minutes after it as posted and said, "Did you write that?" But maybe it's a beta-thing :)

Like I said, it's never a bad thing to make me essentially get into a fist fight with my own brain over who was right and wrong and who should have done what and what the hell this is all really about.
LOL!!

one of the first people to comment said that they didn't like how he was such a minor character here, and that they hated how JKR had married him off to a minor character's younger sibling because that just didn't go with the Major Character he was in early books, and I was writing him the same way.

That was me
Oh was it? Damn, I have to look stuff up, because I really don't remember who said what where. Like I said, I've never had a fic cause a stir like this. It's been... intensely cool, tbh :)

and I see now that the original comment was quite poorly worded for this part. I didn't think Draco was a small character in your story, or that that was bad, just that your Draco was like a look behind the scenes to JKR's epilogue-Draco.
Oh. Um, that's kind of how I took it. ::re-reads:: Yeah, that's what it sounded like. Maybe I didn't word my own thoughts right in this commentary thing...

BTW, re-reading your comment, I have to say it was one of the ones I really liked. It was one of those, Holy shit! This person really thought about it! About something I wrote! Cool!

Also, wasn't yours one of the review-of-the-week ones? I never did find out where they were posting those things; really wish I hadn't been in the middle of extreme RL-commitments during worldcup, 'cause it sounded like I missed a hell of a lot of neat stuff.

Missed a lot of wankage, too, so I suppose every cloud has a silver lining ;)

Anyway, congrats! If I was you I'd be feeling pretty good about myself right now. :)
See above :D :D :D

P.S. So there wasn't a secret Polyjuice scheme running underneath somewhere?
Nope! Though you cannot believe how much your comment made me wish there had been :D :D :D :D

[tsosh.livejournal.com]

I loved this fic. It's one of my fest's favourites, and even though it was IIRC the second fic I read in World Cup I still remember it well (most fics just blend into each other after a while).

Draco was perfectly in character in my opinion. Harry was possibly in character - completely realistic for 20 years after canon.

Right after finishing reading I was sad, but then I decided Draco was better off staying with his wife, and in the end I was left thinking it was a good refreshing and realistic story.

And you get many extra points for the brilliant title.

[annafugazzi.livejournal.com]

...finally answering comments about a million years later...

I loved this fic. It's one of my fest's favourites,
Wow - thanks!

Draco was perfectly in character in my opinion. Harry was possibly in character - completely realistic for 20 years after canon.
Yeah, that was another thing re. the comments of him being OOC. I had no problem with most people who said he was, because he was very different from how he was portrayed in canon, but in a few comments it seemed like the reader didn't realize that no matter what else was going on, a man of forty-one would be bound to react differently from a boy of seventeen once in a while.

Right after finishing reading I was sad, but then I decided Draco was better off staying with his wife, and in the end I was left thinking it was a good refreshing and realistic story.
::beaming::

And you get many extra points for the brilliant title.
It's brilliant, isn't it? Sadly, those extra points belong not to me, but to one of my betas, who said something like, "It's like Harry's a sort of huge semi-destructive wave, isn't it? Like those dangerous undercurrents, the ones you have to watch for on the beach, because they'll pull you right out into the ocean... what are they called, undertows, no, something like tides..."

"Riptides?"

"Yes! Riptide! ::pause:: What do you think of that for a title?"

[heliotrophes.livejournal.com]

I like the way you handle feedback in such a mature way; it shows a lot of thought. Having sat on both the reader and writer side of the fence, I often wish that both sides could show that kind of maturity. Thanks for being classy!

That said, I loved the honesty you imbued Riptide with, how the characters had made loads of bad decisions and were trying so hard to make it right. The Director's Commentary sated my inner fan. *g* I don't know if you have a friending policy, but I hope you don't mind if I friend you. Either way, thank you for giving us such a wonderful fic!

[annafugazzi.livejournal.com]

I like the way you handle feedback in such a mature way; it shows a lot of thought.
Thanks!

That said, I loved the honesty you imbued Riptide with
Thank you! Glad you liked it :) :)

The Director's Commentary sated my inner fan.
LOL! It was really surprising to me how many people read it, tbh.

*g* I don't know if you have a friending policy, but I hope you don't mind if I friend you.
My friending policy is that anybody can friend me as long as I get to friend them back :)

[parlophone.livejournal.com]

Thank you for posting this!

I have to start off by saying that although the ending may not have been a "popular" one, it certainly wasn't ambiguous (in the way, say Sansa's Lamp was.) Though I sympathised throughout with Draco, that he felt "run over by his journey", there was a v clear statement of intent from Draco, that he knew where he stood:

...There was really only one choice to make. At the end of the day, he was the one who had to live with the consequences of his actions. And not just the consequences for the people around him, but the consequences for himself as well.

And that is what I found the most heartening about the ending, and what I took away from this story. Perhaps I'm repeating what I said in my original feedback, but I definitely did not feel cheated out of a happy H/D ending here. To my mind, what may have happened next matches what you said in your commentary 5-(2). Whether H&D eventually get together (or not) was irrelevant to me at that point. I was much more interested in seeing how Draco will live with the consequences, what further choices he will make, and ultimately, what kind of person he will grow into.

Sorry to go all sub-Jungian on you, but for me, the story started off with a Draco whose real values and desires were unconscious, and unavailable to himself for development. Then they were all externalised and projected onto a free-living Harry, and Draco has become aware of them, but they're outside his personality and he can't make any use of this knowledge. By the end, Draco is taking the first painful steps in facing this problem: How can these desires and values be brought back within his psyche in a way that their energy may be available for conscious life-development, and make him even ...a little bit happier?

Re the negativity in some of the feedback you received, (I'm obviously discounting those that were based purely on a shipper's disappointment at the lack of a happy H/D ending,) I'm still impressed by the number of v long, densely-written feedback that you received. (I believe two of them were even awarded the Comment of the Week prize.) I'm sure you know this already, but people really don't bother writing at such length, when (a) they felt that the quality of writing did not live up to their expectations, and (b) they didn't engage deeply with the story. If I were the type of reader who'd look at the comments in deciding which fic to read, I'd definitely pick Riptide, negative comments notwithstanding, over a fic that received a hundred one-liners of the "Squee! Loved it!" variety (am not pointing to any particular story.)

And what you say here:

...I'm glad I wrote the ending I did. I've never had a fic cause a stir like that. Many people said unkind things about something that I wrote, and you know what? The world didn't end. I learned from the experience, and grew as a writer, and would do it again in a heartbeat :)

Go you!

...finally getting to answering comments, about a year later...

[annafugazzi.livejournal.com]

...There was really only one choice to make. At the end of the day, he was the one who had to live with the consequences of his actions. And not just the consequences for the people around him, but the consequences for himself as well.

And that is what I found the most heartening about the ending, and what I took away from this story. Perhaps I'm repeating what I said in my original feedback, but I definitely did not feel cheated out of a happy H/D ending here. To my mind, what may have happened next matches what you said in your commentary 5-(2). Whether H&D eventually get together (or not) was irrelevant to me at that point. I was much more interested in seeing how Draco will live with the consequences, what further choices he will make, and ultimately, what kind of person he will grow into.
::beaming:: This is so incredibly cool to read. Because that's what the ending was to me too - it didn't matter what he decided to do, what mattered was that he was actually going to start deciding, and not just drifting.

I know a lot of people didn't come to that conclusion at the end, and depending on what they thought had happened and why, I either thought, "Cool, that could work too!" or "::facepalm:: that was not what I meant... but yeah I guess that's a valid conclusion too..."

Still, it's neat to read that some people came away with the ending I actually intended to write. Or rather, the ending I preferred to believe in :) :) :)

Sorry to go all sub-Jungian on you,
LOL! My mom was a psychologist, my husband is a psychiatrist, and I started university as a Psych major. Sub-Jung away :D :D :D

Re the negativity in some of the feedback you received, (I'm obviously discounting those that were based purely on a shipper's disappointment at the lack of a happy H/D ending,) I'm still impressed by the number of v long, densely-written feedback that you received. (I believe two of them were even awarded the Comment of the Week prize.)
Oh I know! I was totally blown away, even by (and sometimes especially by) the bad reviews. I'm generally of the "if you can't say something nice, say nothing" school but some of those reviews really made me question my own attitude.

And those comments are also exactly why I don't think I'll fear writing something that may be unpopular in the future :) :)

[prilbrum.livejournal.com]

I just read Riptide. This post made me especially curious, so though I am only slowly getting through the World Cup stories, I put this one at the front of the line.

I thought it was brilliant. I only skimmed your post above, but I'm not in the need of any justification. You did well.

And to me, Harry was not at all unsympathetic. I liked him very well. I think he was honest and warm and truly searching, and I admire that he was able to do that--that both he and Ginny had enough respect and caring for one another that they were able to stay close to each other during difficult times. They didn't resort to having to hate one another to justify their own needs to find more out of life. They were brave, and they could be brave because ultimately they were commited to treating one another well.

And I also understand Draco's dilemma. Astoria had been good to him, and he had screwed up a lot in life, and being good back to her was one thing he wanted to do right.

But I wish he could be happy. Both he and Harry are right--which is the stupid thing about life. Two opposites can be true at the same time. Go figure.

I do hope Draco, after this story ends, is more proactive in some way!! But such a thing is hard to do well.

Again--I love the story.
I mean to comment on the story itself, but for some reason my browser doesn't want to take me to the comment page at the moment!! So, later...

[annafugazzi.livejournal.com]

I thought it was brilliant. I only skimmed your post above, but I'm not in the need of any justification. You did well.
Hee - thanks :) :)

And to me, Harry was not at all unsympathetic. I liked him very well. I think he was honest and warm and truly searching,
Yeah, that's kind of how I saw him, but I could totally see how a lot of people thought he was being really selfish. Because in a lot of ways, he was. Besides, the story was through Draco's POV, and Draco definitely saw him as selfish.

They didn't resort to having to hate one another to justify their own needs to find more out of life.
That was the other thing; in their opinion, breaking up temporarily, while still remaining friends, was a better choice than staying together long enough to lose whatever had made them love each other in the first place.

I do hope Draco, after this story ends, is more proactive in some way!! But such a thing is hard to do well.
In my mind, that was the "conclusion" of the story - it wasn't so much a question of what he chose to do next; it was how he was going to choose that was important. I know a lot of people got a different conclusion from the story, and many of them were quite cool, but that was the conclusion I was thinking of when I wrote it.

So glad you liked the story! And thanks for your comment :) :)

[potteresque_ire]

I really had fun reading this story. From the beginning it not only held my attention, it also entertained me and I felt as though I am watching the story unfold with Draco, and Harry like this, well, Riptide that comes and goes. There is sadness, of course, but it remains light and comfortable.

I am here to ask whether it is alright for me to friend you ... may I please do so? please? :D

...finally getting to answering comments, about a year later...

[annafugazzi.livejournal.com]

I really had fun reading this story.
Thanks!

From the beginning it not only held my attention, it also entertained me and I felt as though I am watching the story unfold with Draco, and Harry like this, well, Riptide that comes and goes.
Isn't it a great title? Wish I'd thought of it, but it come from one of my betas. Titles are not my strong suit; I probably would've called it something original like "The Fool" ;)

I am here to ask whether it is alright for me to friend you ... may I please do so? please? :D
Sure! Mind if I friend you back?

[pnutglry.livejournal.com]

I loved your ending more then I could possibly say. Mostly I loved Draco's inner dialog. People who find themselves falling in love outside of their marriages isn't at all romantic or uncomplicated like most people seem to want to portray. And the spurned spouse is never the (insert major character flaw that only surfaces once said lovers are on their way to happiness).
I'm probably a prude for saying this but second marriages seem so hypocritical to me. If you couldn't make it work the first time, what makes you think the second time will be better? Its like all they expect is the cheap rollarcoaster thrill and once the "ride" is done, they don't know how to be happy strolling through the fair.
But back on topic, you did an absolutely marvelous job with your prompts. Amazing how seamlessly they both played the part in the story. Very very well done.

finally answering comments, weeks later...

[annafugazzi.livejournal.com]

I loved your ending more then I could possibly say.
Thank you!

Mostly I loved Draco's inner dialog. People who find themselves falling in love outside of their marriages isn't at all romantic or uncomplicated like most people seem to want to portray. And the spurned spouse is never the (insert major character flaw that only surfaces once said lovers are on their way to happiness).
Yeah, I have a lot of difficulty with that kind of mentality. Not that I think having an affair automatically makes you an evil person, or that lifelong fidelity is always the right choice to make, but... veering from that path isn't romantic. It may be the right thing to do, depending on your marriage, but it's almost always going to be painful and difficult for everyone involved.

I'm probably a prude for saying this but second marriages seem so hypocritical to me. If you couldn't make it work the first time, what makes you think the second time will be better?
I dunno, I think some people learn from their mistakes with the first marriage. Even if all they learn is that the thrill of "true romantic love" doesn't always last, and a real marriage requires commitment and love even after the sparks aren't flying so hot any more, that may help the second marriage to succeed where the first didn't.

...but then I look at my parents and in-laws, every single one of whom has at least two failed marriages under their belts, and I don't feel so optimistic about second marriages any more.

But back on topic, you did an absolutely marvelous job with your prompts. Amazing how seamlessly they both played the part in the story. Very very well done.
Thank you! I had a lot of fun with the prompt. Still puzzled that nobody else on my team wanted it :D :D

[frantic-mice.livejournal.com]

As a reader there are expectations when you read a fanfic and even more when you read as a shipper. Then there are not only the expectations of good writing and good characterization and the like, but also of how you're going to set these two guys who disliked each other a lot within the context of a stable, if unhealthy, relationship. Shippers don't ask for HEALTHY (fact they like to see a bit of unhealthy obsessive and possessive) as much as they ask for eternity, for the idea that they're gonna love each other forever and ever and ever and ever, like Weasley and Buttercup, like Cinderella and the Prince, like Ken and GI Joe. They want something they can swallow, bite into, take with them. They want certainty. In other words, readers don't always want reality and they get really pissed off when they accidentally take a bite. BAD ANNA!

This fic tells me that I can't have my cake and eat it too. I say, no Harry is not a bastard, but look how he's sowing all the oats he should've BEFORE kids came into the picture. Okay, so he is a bastard? Then how come he doesn't leave his wife and kids and not look back? He hesitates, he knows there's a price to pay, he doesn't want to hurt anybody but he also wants to live. Wait, is Draco the bastard then? He's willing to sacrifice his happiness for the happiness of others. That's not being a bastard, but then if he isn't how am I going to get H/D in a perfect little bow. It would be so much more convenient if I could get a clear cut bad guy here, if Astoria was terrible or Ginny was or somebody was so that I could say to myself that people only hurt each other when they want to, when they're bad. The ambiguous ending is the least of it, this fic is ambiguous top to bottom.

Am I okay with this type of Reality-flavored cake? Sure, with this one yes, though I'm as guilty of all I've said here as the next fandork. Then again, my new favorite dish consists of mushrooms and snails, so I'm getting better with trying out new and daring (to me) things. Keep being audacious, it rocks Anna. ♥

[annafugazzi.livejournal.com]

Shippers don't ask for HEALTHY (fact they like to see a bit of unhealthy obsessive and possessive) as much as they ask for eternity, for the idea that they're gonna love each other forever and ever and ever and ever, like Weasley and Buttercup, like Cinderella and the Prince, like Ken and GI Joe.
::snort-laugh::

They want something they can swallow, bite into, take with them. They want certainty. In other words, readers don't always want reality and they get really pissed off when they accidentally take a bite. BAD ANNA!
::hangs head very low::

It would be so much more convenient if I could get a clear cut bad guy here, if Astoria was terrible or Ginny was or somebody was so that I could say to myself that people only hurt each other when they want to, when they're bad. The ambiguous ending is the least of it, this fic is ambiguous top to bottom.
Yeah, see, that was another thing that sort of made me tilt my head a bit. I can certainly see why many people had a problem with the ending, but like you said, the ending wasn't the only ambiguous part of it. I think maybe some of them were assuming the ending would solve all the ambiguity, so that they could see who the real Bad Guy(s) and Good Guy(s) were.

Then again, my new favorite dish consists of mushrooms and snails, so I'm getting better with trying out new and daring (to me) things.
LOL!

Keep being audacious, it rocks Anna. ♥
This review came on a ridiculously busy day so I didn't respond right away, but it sure put a big grin on my face for a long time. Thank you so much!

[that-september.livejournal.com]

I just stumbled over here from ff.net, and wow--I'm so glad I did.

First off, let me just say that I absolutely loved this story, from crazy, drinking, fun-loving Harry (the Harry I always suspected was underneath the Burdened Fate-Ridden Hero) to ambivalent, grown-up, confused Draco. This was a situation I could very plausibly see happening--it's as exactly as you said, Ginny and Harry have never had any other serious relationships. They've never had (that we know of) a chance for one night stands and experimenting. Based on both of their personalities, I could see them doing exactly what they did.

It was great to read this, as well. I was glad to see that I'd gotten from the story what you had intended...and though I agree that option two for the ending is much more likely, I at first thought Draco was going to choose option one. I'm so glad you didn't give this a fluffy ending; this was much more realistic, and more importantly, interesting. This is a brilliant piece of fic, and all the controversy it's generated proves that. You had something to say, you said it, and damned if you didn't make people think while you were doing it.

Go you, from your brilliant story to your equally brilliant response to all the questions. I'll be honest: your H/D is pretty much the only H/D I read, because (thus far) you're the only one who writes them in a way that I see believable. Once again, you've made me think and laugh and appreciate their chemistry, and I'd just like to say thank you for that--and this is coming from a die-hard canon shipper. xD

Again, fantastic job. Both the story and this post made my night. =]

(answering comments about a million years later - doh!)

[annafugazzi.livejournal.com]

I just stumbled over here from ff.net, and wow--I'm so glad I did.
Hee - me too!

First off, let me just say that I absolutely loved this story, from crazy, drinking, fun-loving Harry (the Harry I always suspected was underneath the Burdened Fate-Ridden Hero) to ambivalent, grown-up, confused Draco.
Thank you!

They've never had (that we know of) a chance for one night stands and experimenting. Based on both of their personalities, I could see them doing exactly what they did.
Yeah that was the only problem I had with the Epilogue. I love them together, but couldn't imagine them settling down for life with the first person they were ever really serious. Not without at least a few regrets.

It was great to read this, as well. I was glad to see that I'd gotten from the story what you had intended...
Me too! Although it was pretty cool to read the reactions of people who got something entirely different, too :)

and though I agree that option two for the ending is much more likely, I at first thought Draco was going to choose option one.
I was surprised at how many people felt that option 1 was completely out of the question.

This is a brilliant piece of fic, and all the controversy it's generated proves that. You had something to say, you said it, and damned if you didn't make people think while you were doing it.
:) :) :) :)

Once again, you've made me think and laugh and appreciate their chemistry, and I'd just like to say thank you for that--and this is coming from a die-hard canon shipper. xD
Canon? As in, HP/GW, RW/HG? Squeee! It sometimes feels like I'm the only member of the entire HP/DM fandom that doesn't do an insta-hurl at the thought of HP/GW. Or at Ginny herself. ::sigh::


Again, fantastic job. Both the story and this post made my night. =]
As did your comment. Thank you!